Oops, There Goes Costa Rica!

From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion.  I have received inside information about this incident from Dan McLockinload, currently a blog contributor at the american fascist.  He was reluctant to talk at first, but when I advised him that his comments would be posted on a blog that people actually read, he decided to tell what he knew.

“Waal, my memory is sort of hazy sonny.  It was a long time ago and I was constantly drunk for most of the Sixties, but I’ll tell what I can recollect.  Me and a few other boys on the Company’s payroll were just sleeping off a night on the town in San Jose.  Suddenly we heard a noise outside the safe house we were staying in.  It was three barkeeps with about a platoon of cops.  Seems like we had wrecked a few places the night before.  They were demanding that we pay $5000.00 bucks or we were going to spend 5000 years in a Costa Rican jail.  Some of the boys were for shooting it out, but one of the boys, Ia-fratze or something like that, from West Virginia, came up with the bright idea that we should pay them with Company money and then tell a tall tale to Langley that we used the money to topple the Costa  Rican government by accident, and that we were real sorry.   Didn’t make much sense to me, but it worked like a charm.   Ia-fratze wrote the report up in such high-falutin gibberish that I think Langley decided it was simpler to OK the funds than to listen to Ia-fratze explaining the report for several days.  Yeah Ia-fratze was clever when it came to baffling Langley with (expletive deleted, this is a family blog).  Had a hair trigger temper though.  Rile him and you were nothing but a rotten Commie.  Lost touch with him when he retired.  Said he was going back to West Virginia and pay for his son to get fancy educated and carry on the fight against the Godless Commies.”

At this point Mr. McLockinload asked if we had any openings at The American Catholic.  I told him alas no, but I would be happy to hear now and then about his adventures with his colleague Ia-fratze and their experiences during the Cold War.