So what can be done? I have been conducting frequent meetings on the subject with the most senior nuns, and a number of options have been proposed:
- KICK HER OUT. Vetoed. These walls were not built to shut out problems; we have to face them.
- FEED HER LESS. By limiting her rations, we may deny her the energy to do things like waltzing on the way to Mass or spinning around on mountaintops with her arms outstretched.
- ADMINISTER FREQUENT, SAVAGE BEATINGS. I am shocked at the number of times this was suggested. For shame, sisters. I know it can be truly frustrating when she will not stay and listen to all you say, but we are nuns! Nuns!
- LOAN HER OUT AS A NANNY TO AN ECCENTRIC NAVAL HERO. I don’t really understand this plan. How is this going to make her a better nun? If anything, I feel that putting her in close proximity to children will exacerbate her own childish tendencies.
Sisters: I will consider our course. In the meantime, let us pray for a solution to this seemingly insoluble problem of Maria. We must have faith that we can climb every mountain, ford every steam, follow every rainbow, ’til Maria either stops being so annoying or falls in love with someone and gets married. I sincerely hope that the time soon arrives when we can turn our attention to more pressing matters. For instance, I hear the Nazi Party is quite popular nowadays?
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