PopeWatch: Satire?

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

Facing financial ruin due to the high cost of trying to provide their son with a good Catholic education, sources confirmed Thursday that parents of high school freshman Johnny Irving, Tom and Lisa, are quite impressed with their son’s growing knowledge of every tenet of every religion, but Catholicism.

According to the freshman’s parents, Irving has gained an immense amount of knowledge about the Koran, The Analects of Confucius, and the Book of Mormon in his class Fundamentals of Catholic Doctrine 101.

“It’s breathtaking the amount of non-Catholic knowledge he’s learning in his Catholic Doctrine class,” Lisa Irving told EOTT. “We’re about a paycheck or two away from filing for bankruptcy just so Johnny can learn about everything but Catholicism at a Catholic school, but it’s so worth it. He always comes home telling us interesting things about Catholic teaching like how according to the Church the most important doctrine is coexistence. And how the Church teaches that it’s pointless to evangelize since a person’s own consciousness, being infused by a higher spirit, stirs within him or her at birth and sanctifies every belief, whim, or desire that person has. I didn’t know that. Probably because I went to Catholic school when classrooms had crucifixes and whatnot in them.”

Lisa went on to say that, though her son still has never heard of the Nicene Creed, that he had memorized several verses from the Koran that incidentally mention Jesus, and that through Buddhist teachings, he has come to learn about Christ the bodhisattva.

“Listen, some people might think $40,000 for a four-year high school education seems absurd, ” Lisa Irving went on to say. “But tell that to me when my son graduates summa cum laude, which of course he will graduate with since every student in that fine scholastic institution graduates with that honor.”

At press time, Johnny is studying for his midterms in one of the school’s mandatory classes, Advanced Being Nice.

 

PopeWatch apologizes.  Normally we have a humorous piece on Saturday, but apparently Eye of the Tiber went for straight reporting in the above piece.  And with that, PopeWatch will be on Thanksgiving hiatus until November 30, 2015.

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10 Comments

  1. Dec. 22nd 2014; Pope Francis delivers his Christmas gift to the Curia. Coal.

    Could be Christmas is a downer for Francisco.

    Emmanuel born in poverty!
    No no no. Social Justice dictates otherwise.
    This might be Pope Francis’ thorn.
    Christmas as a reminder of social injustice.
    Rich Wise men? Don’t get him started!

  2. I clicked on the Daily Mail website and there was a story on the rancid ABC series Scandal, about a lead character getting an abortion with Silent Night playing in the background. The program was about PP funding being debated in the Senate.
    The vast majority of television is crap. If it were possible to watch my favorite teams play without subscribing to a service, I would pull the plug.
    As for the Pope, pray for him and ignore his words when it is obvious he is talking abou something he knows nothing about.

  3. Penguins Fan.

    Thank you for the reminder to pray for PF.
    I haven’t since the beginning of my mom’s farewell.

    Yesterday I received a message from Eric Scheidler W/ Pro-Life Action League.
    He brought to our attention a strange moment in Chicago when an abortionist knelt down next to Eric’s dad, who started the League in the seventies. The abortionists thanked God, and spoke of humility and asked God to continue to help him take the lives of these unwanted babies.

    It is so dark. The ABC’s program you mentioned, this prayer from a killer in ear shot of the founder of the League to save babies.
    Dark and disgusting times.
    I just want to cry.

    I feel as though at any moment the shoe is going to drop. Even my prayers seem so weak and cut off.
    As you mentioned. More prayers for Pope.
    Less sarcasm from yours truly.
    I will work on it.

  4. The Third Joyful Mystery, The Nativity, desire the love of God. Think of the poverty the Blessed Virgin Mary so willingly accepted when she placed the infant Jesus, our God and Redeemer, in a manger in the stable of Bethlehem.
    .
    Our treasures are not of this World.
    .

    Satire? I’m hoping I’ll awake and find that this is a bad dream.

  5. Poor Johnny will probably spend Thanksgiving on the rim of the Grand canyon waving crystals at the rising sun and thanking the eagles for creating it. Well, as long as he donates to the Campaign for Human Development, all is well.

  6. Went to the Daily Mail link…The Nativity a charade? And what is the Vatican doing lighting up a Christmas tree on the 4th Sunday in NOV! How commercial is that!
    Holy Father, remind the world that Advent starts next Sunday, a time of prayer and penance in anticpation for the birth of the Savior of the World, the whole world. Out of the darkness comes the light, the Light of the World, celebrated on December 25th. Perhaps our pontiff uses a different calendar?

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