A Jesuit, A Dominican and a Franciscan

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Time for a little Catholic humor, this time using the staple of Order jokes:

A Jesuit, a Dominican and a Franciscan are driving cars and have a terrible pile up.  All three are killed instantly, go to their particular judgments and receive instant admission to Heaven.  Here are their reactions as they view the vistas of the Kingdom of Love Eternal:

Franciscan:  “This is exactly how Father Francis said it would be!”

Jesuit:  “This is exactly how I thought it would be!”

Dominican:  “Hey, wait a minute!  What’s the Jesuit doing here?”

Tell your jokes in the comboxes.

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  1. A Jesuit, a Dominican, and a Trappist were stranded on a desert island, where
    they happened upon a magic lamp. When one of the men rubbed the lamp,
    a genie appeared, promising the fathers three wishes to repay them for freeing
    it from the lamp. The Jesuit instantly replied “I’d like to be away from here and
    teaching at the world’s most prestigious university!” Suddenly, the Jesuit vanished
    in a puff of smoke. The Dominican, in his turn, told the genie “I want to be a
    preacher at the world’s biggest church!” No sooner had he uttered his wish,
    than he too disappeared in a puff of smoke. The genie turned to the Trappist
    and asked “and you, Father?” To which the Trappist answered “I’m fine, genie–
    I just got my wish”.

  2. A Franciscan and a Dominican were debating whose order was the greater. After months of arguing, they decided to ask God for an answer when they died. Years later, they met in heaven and went to God’s throne to resolve their old disagreement. God seemed a bit puzzled about the question and told them he would reply in writing a few days later. After much deliberation, God sent the following letter:

    My sons,

    Please stop bickering about such trivial matters. Both orders are equally great and good in my eyes.


    God, SJ

  3. The seminarian had not studied for his church history exam.

    One of the questions was compare and contrast the Dominicans and Jesuits?

    He wrote

    The were both founded by Spaniards.
    Both were founded to combat heresy.
    The Dominicans: Albigensianism.
    The Jesuits: Protestantism.

    When is the last time you met an Albigensian?

  4. A man praying for a Mercedes so he asked a Franciscan and a Jesuit how many novenas he would have to make.

    The Franciscan asked, “What’s a Mercedes?” and the Jesuit asked, “What’s a novena?”

  5. Great stuff men. I have no joke but Hank has me on this Sabbath wondering why Spain founded successful religious orders and unsuccessful countries.

  6. The local parish priest just got a lovely new car, so he thought he would ask his friend, the local rabbi id he would like to go for a ride in it.
    After traveling a few miles, the rabbi asked, “What a beautiful car – would I be able to have a drive of it?’
    “Certainly, ” the PP replied, so off they went with the rabbi at the wheel.
    They had only gone a couple of hundred yards, when they came to an intersection – and the rabbi, whose sight was not good, failed to give way, and smashed the car.
    The rabbi, feeling very guilty, asked,”What do we do now?”
    The PP replied, “If it wasn’t Friday, you b*****d, I’d bloody well eat you!”

  7. So…a Dominican, Jesuit and a Francisan decided to go to a silent retreat together.
    After half an hour the Jesuit signals the Franciscan to come closer to him, and when he does the Jesuit asked him in a whisper; “When can we speak?” The Franciscan frowns at him at walks away. The Dominican, watching from several pews behind them, gets up and proceeds to kneel next to the Jesuit. As he leans towards the Jesuit he softly inquiries; “What in the blazes is going on?” “I saw brother Rutondo walk away in disgust.”

    “I haven’t the foggiest idea. All I asked him was how long do we have to be quiet, but he didn’t even tell me….he just got up and walked away with his head shaking back and forth, never saying a word.”

    “Unbelievable!” said the Dominican.
    “He is always so pleasant to be around.”

    “I know, I know … maybe he’s not feeling well today.” said the Jesuit.

    “Could be.” said the Dominican.

    “Hey… wasn’t that a great episode of American Ninja last night?” Asked the Jesuit.

    “Sure was..” said the Dominican.

    bill bannon is right!
    You folks are talented.
    Thanks for the laugh.

  8. This is an old one, I copied it from a Catholic joke site:

    A Franciscan, a Dominican and a Jesuit are transported back in time to the Birth of Our Lord. The Franciscan, seeing Almighty God become a little Child, is overcome with humility and joy. The Dominican, seeing the eternal Word become flesh, is transfixed in ecstasy.

    The Jesuit takes St. Joseph and Our Lady aside, and asks: “Have you given any thought to his education?”

  9. The difference between the Dominicans, Franciscans, and Jesuits:

    The Dominican seeks out the stranger.
    To the Franciscan, there are no strangers.
    No one’s stranger than the Jesuits.

  10. I’m sorry to report that I can’t recall (or invent) something that fits this thread, but I can report that I have been calling my elderly relatives and friends (some visually impaired) and reading these aloud. You have all contributed to a lot of laughter today.

  11. Not a “comparative orders” joke but one of my favorites:

    Three monks joined an order with a very strict vow of silence, which only allowed them to take turns speaking one sentence once a year on Christmas Day. After the first year, the first monk got his turn to speak and said “I hate oatmeal.” The next year, the second monk’s turn came and he said “I like oatmeal.” The year after that, the third monk’s turn came and he said “I’m so sick of this constant bickering about oatmeal!”

    A variant of the same joke has one monk receiving a chance to speak two words once a year. The first year he says “Bed lumpy.” The second year he says “Food cold”. The third year he says “I quit”. To which the abbot responds, “I’m not surprised, you’ve done nothing but complain ever since you came here!”

  12. When their ship sank a Benedictine, a Dominican, a Franciscan, and a Jesuit were crowded into a small lifeboat. It had a small leak and was in ever greater danger of sinking. Unfortunately, the boat was also surrounded by sharks.

    So the Dominican, confident in the preaching prowess of his order, stood on the prow and begin to preach to the sharks about Christian charity and the virtues of vegetarianism; but his sermon was cut short by a leaping shark who consumed him in one gulp.

    Then the Benedictine stood on the prow and began to charm the sharks with a stupendous rendition of the Exsultet, but just when he got to the part about the mother bee (mater apis) another shark dispatched him with a single gulp.

    Shortly thereafter the Franciscan, climbing onto the prow, began to pray, “Blessed are you, Lord my God, for brother shark,…” when one of the sister sharks cut him off in mid-benediction.

    Soon the lifeboat sank, leaving the Jesuit in the water with the sharks. But instead of eating him, several sharks towed him to shore and cast him up on the dry land. Stunned, he turned to ask them why they had not devoured him. They replied, “Professional courtesy!”

  13. Mr. Collins I love yours about the debate between the Franciscian and the Dominican however “God, S.J.” does not qualify for this list as a statement of fact does not equal a joke.


  14. A Jesuit, a Dominican and a Franciscan are kidnapped by space aliens. They are asked to explain their different orders.

    The Franciscan said, “I am a Franciscan, and we worship Christ in a spirit of poverty.”

    The Dominican said, “I am a Dominican.” He then held up his rosary and said that everything the Dominicans believed was symbolized by the Rosary.

    The Jesuit then said, “For a modest annual tuition and a few buildings, I can explain to all of your young what a Jesuit believes over 12-16 years. After that, they will explain it all to you.”

  15. A Jesuit, Dominican and a Francisan decided to go to a Reason Rally held in D.C.
    The Dominican captures the attention of thirty three atheists and in the course of the afternoon converts twelve of them to Christianity. The Franciscan, in his piety and modest demeanor was able to persuade seventy two to follow him to the Basilica of the Immaculate Conception where all were baptized and confirmed Catholic.

    After two hours of listening to the guest speakers the Jesuit made up his mind that he truly was a woman stuck in a man’s body, so he scheduled sex change procedures and joined Nuns on a bus.

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