Tim Kaine’s Guardian Angel Quits

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At The American Catholic we are dedicated to giving you up to date news on the election campaign.  Thus we have this report from Acts of the Apostasy:

(AoftheANews) NEW YORK – The guardian angel for Democrat Vice-Presidential candidate Tim Kaine told AoftheA News that he is quitting the Clinton campaign, and has announced his endorsement of Donald Trump.

“I’ve had it with him. Completely had it,” the angelic messenger said, relentlessly puffing on a Marlboro. “I haven’t slept in days. He’s driving me nuts. His comments on so-called same-sex marriage over the weekend were the final straw. He really thinks the Church will someday change its position. Sure, he was taught by Jesuits, but he oughtta know better.”

The bedraggled, unshaven divine host of heaven went on. “I probably should have done this when Hillary selected him, but I had hope, you know? Turns out I was just fooling myself.”

He explained that his endorsement of Trump was merely an attempt to get Kaine’s attention. “I’m hoping it’s a wake-up call,” he said, pouring himself a glass of Jack Daniels. “Shock him a bit. Once he hears I want to ‘make America great again’, he’ll come to his senses. Maybe. I’m so beyond frustrated.”

 

Go here to read the rest.  TAC contacted the guardian angels for Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump for comment.  The Guardian Angel for Clinton was too busy crying and chanting Dies Irae to respond, while Trump’s Guardian Angel was in the Divine Witness Protection program and unavailable for comment.

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20 Comments

  1. The report from the Acts of the Apostasy may be intended as humorous parady or satire, but perhaps there is some grain of truth in all this. Sooner or later, God gives up protecting people from their wilful folly.

  2. I am so weary of the unfunny satire being written like this piece of yours. We live in such a bizarro world that one can not tell if something one is reading is true or not. Give it up. Just give us your comments on the facts. Your piece is unfunny. Stop it.

  3. The TV show Hogan’s Heroes was a lampoon against one of the most evil regimes to ever acquire power over human beings on this planet. That regime was demonic and diabolical, every bit as much so as today’s baby-murdering and sodomy sactifying liberal progresssive Democrats. I say laugh at the devil because we worship an all-power God who is going to sweep the floors of hell with his carcass and that of the anti-Christ and False Prophet. God wins, and God’s power makes the devil’s efforts today the gasp of a serpent who knows that our Mother Mary is about to stomp on his head for good.
    .
    By all that I don’t mean to belittle the struggle we face or portray an excessive triumphanalism that is the opposite of humility and reliance on God. Rather, we need to consider how the Saints of old faced the evil in their time. Some laughed in the devil’s face and praised the Lord anyways because they knew where they were going. Maybe we are scared or depressed or dismayed (God nows I am) because we don’t have that faith as of a mustard seed, able to say to this mountain, “Be removed!” so that it will be cast into the sea and be gone.
    .
    You see, I think the devil hates being the butt of a joke, and here’s the joke – no matter how hard he tries, he loses. Mamma Mary is gonna to stomp on his vile head and that’s it.
    .
    OK, I am done being optimistic for now. Back to Neutrons ‘R Us and my normal gloomy outlook.
    .
    😉

  4. I’m happy I do not have Barbara Jensen’s angel. Oh.. I’m sure it’s a fine outstanding angel, one of the best I’m sure….I’m just happy it’s not inspiring me my whole life.

  5. .” Trump Outlines Pro-Life Commitments, Taps SBA List’s Dannenfelser to Chair Pro-Life Coalition ” – – –
    https://www.sba-list.org/newsroom/press-releases/trump-outlines-pro-life-commitments-taps-sba-lists-dannenfelser-chair-pro-life-coalition
    .
    ” – September 16, 2016 –
    TRUMP ANNOUNCES ‘PRO-LIFE COALITION’, SUPPORTS MAKING HYDE AMENDMENT PERMANENT ”
    https://www.donaldjtrump.com/media/trump-announces-pro-life-coalition-supports-making-hyde-amendment-permanent

  6. As a matter of fact, Michael, I am a strong Trump supporter–very strong– and have been from the get go. So much for capacity to assess reality.

  7. Pray for Tim. For as long as he is lives, he may come to a “better mind.”
    .
    Dear Bear, Number Two son (active duty Army Infantry) is marrying into a Louisiana family in early December. He’s been posted in Benning, Bragg, Campbell, Polk, and says he wants to stay down South.
    .
    The South shall rise again.
    .
    Keep deplorable my friends.
    .
    Yeeeee-haw!

  8. T. Shaw. I was a puking buzzard at Ft. Campbell, and one of my twins was in the all alcoholics at Bragg, and went to Infantry school at Benning! I am a proud Southern Illinois Copperhead living further south of Richmond, Virginia.

  9. Donald R. McClarey, thank you for posting the clip from “Gettysburg”. That scene and the accompanying rousing score never fail to give me goosebumps.

  10. That is one of the most amazing military stories there is, and you have to admire the 20th Maine. Same could be said for Pickett’s Charge, too, except it didn’t work. Lots of what-ifs in this long, complex, and fascinating battle that started over shoes.

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