Nine Rules of Chris Pratt

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No. 1: Breathe. If you don’t, you will suffocate.

No. 2: You have a soul. Be careful with it.

No. 3: Don’t be a turd. If you are strong, be a protector. If you are smart, be a humble influencer. Strength and intelligence can be weapons, so do not wield them against the weak. That makes you a bully. Be bigger than that.

No. 4: When giving a dog medicine, put the medicine in a little piece of hamburger and they won’t even know they’re eating medicine.

No. 5: It doesn’t matter what it is. Earn it. A good deed. Reach out to someone in pain. Be of service. It feels good and it’s good for your soul.

No. 6: God is real. God loves you. God wants the best for you. Believe that; I do.

No. 7: If you have to poop at a party, but you’re embarrassed because you’re going to stink up the bathroom, just do what I do. Lock the door, sit down, get all of the pee out first. And then, once all the pee is done, poop, flush, boom! You minimize the amount of time that the poop’s touching the air. Because if you poop first, it takes you longer to pee and then you’re peeing on top of it, stirring up the poop particles, create a cloud, goes out, then everyone at the party will know that you pooped. Just trust me, it’s science.

No. 8: Learn to pray. It’s easy, and it is so good for your soul.

No. 9: Nobody is perfect. People will tell you that you are perfect just the way that you are, you are not! You are imperfect. You always will be, but there is a powerful force that designed you that way, and if you are willing to accept that, you will have grace. And grace is a gift, and like the freedom that we enjoy in this country that grace was paid for with somebody else’s blood. Do not forget that. Don’t take that for granted.

Most contemporary actors and actresses are wastelands intellectually and spiritually.  Chris Pratt, of Guardians of the Galaxy fame, may be something more.


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  1. The beauty of this is his use of contemporary humor with timeless principles and truth. He has the ear of this generation. He could definitely be saying so much worse.

    I for one enjoyed it.

  2. IF the divorce was his fault. We don’t know the circumstances around their marriage and how much effort he put into it – it could have just as easily been Anna’s decision or both played a role.

    Though I will note that after the divorce, Anna seems to have bounced back into a relationship faster than Chris has. This makes me wonder if he really wanted to separate or not.

  3. *dips toe into magazines*

    …and now I remember why I hate these things… that said, it sure looks like she dumped him to move in with another guy, right off the bat.

    Poor Jack. (the son)

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