Out of the Hetero-Monogamy Closet – I’m Here, She’s Dear, Get Used To Us

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As the dark ages of heterophobia are waning, our society is evolving, for the good, to the point where it can now accept me and my ilk. I cannot deny it any longer-I am-joyfully- coming out of the hetero-monogamy closet.

Yes! I am faithful to my wife and I always have been since the day we were married 45 years ago. I have always felt different around those who, with absolutist certainty, preached: self-fulfillment;  freedom;  liberty;  self-worth;  my-body-my-self;  God-made-me-this-way;  if-it-feels-good-do-it; I-gotta-be-me; do-it-my-way; grab-for-all-the-gusto-you-can;  grab [another partner(s)] now; do-not-judge; and I-choose-my-morality. Why they want to impose these on me I do not know. Why they try to use the legislatures and the courts to force their morality down my throat is beyond me. I am not not normal.

I knew deep in my heart and in my soul I was different. This is something I can turn on and off, it is a matter of my choice, my free will. This – the ability to voluntarily choose what I do –  is the way I was made by God ,with free will. God did not make me a hetero robot- and so I have come to believe it cannot be bad. I knew I was free to choose, it felt so natural. And I chose – over and over, again and again – to love my wife, and only my wife. This actually was fairly easy – because she is lovable.

I know many will heap opprobrium on me, and some will even condemn me – “How can you be so selfish as to love just one?”  “Please shut up and stop spewing your hate speech.” So, I would like to begin a dialogue with those who are not like me, even though the grip of monagaphobia for some is overwhelming and the response from some heterophobes is often shrill, scary, and even violent.

I am a  monogamist. Hath not a monogamist eyes? I am heterophilic. Hath not a heterophile hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? Fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer as others lovers? If you prick a monogamist, does he not bleed? If you tickle a heteropphilic,  does she not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die?

Hopefully such a dialogue will spawn a movement to have the constitutional right to monogamy and right to heterophilia  recognized legally or discovered by some divine-wise current day justices.  These could be rights  hidden in 1781 in the shadows of some part of the Commerce Clause or in the Bill Of Rights, or simply created from whole cloth as rights have been created since 1973.

If necessary, these new/old rights can be enforced by the government with concomitant retroactive compensation for past injustice, reparations for my mental anguish (pulleeeesee, don’t call me a “crybully”). Of course, in addition to the reparations, there should be future preferential treatment. If 7 guys can create the new “right to abortion,” and some guys and gals can find the “right to  marriage” hidden for some centuries in penumbras and shadows of what our forefathers wrote, why can’t they discover the right to hetero-monogamy, perhaps included in the interstices of freedom of assembly, two assembling and becoming one hetero flesh?

I look forward to Hetero-Monogamy History Month.  Surprisingly – although this truth has been ignored for some decades now – there were monogamists who played major roles in our nation’s storied birth and growth, although this included relatively few politicians, actors, actresses, celebrities, talk show hosts, and journalists.

I relish the thought of the educational materials to be produced by tax-funded organizations for kindergartners that will portray hetero- monogamy in a tender, welcoming, accepting light and provide instruction, in graphic detail, about the mechanics of hetero-monogamy. I cannot wait for “Tommy Has One Mother and One Father,” “See How Happy Sally Is With Her [One] Mommy and [One] Daddy,” and “The Illustrated Joy of Hetero-Monogamous Sex.”  And the movies and TV shows  – happy, gentle monogamist parents who always speak quietly and happy nonjudgmental smiling heterophilic children who all share their ice cream and candy with everyone.

I am still wondering where they will take the middle schoolers for field trips to view those who do hetero-monogamy without shame, without blame. Is it, however, beyond hope, too much to wish for:  new Monogamy Scout troops and Heterophile Scout camps?

I cannot wait for “Monogamy Challenged” parking spaces at WalMart. Uncommitted adults in a car, not allowed.

And think of the changes in the Church! We will be accepted as simple loving souls who, although we have not achieved the ideal of married love, we are on our way, and, gradually, we will get there. We will be able to engage in PDAs just like everyone else, even as we receive Holy Communion together. We will be celebrated in the  just,  welcoming,  accepting, merciful parishes. And they will, thanks be to God, again integrate us, visibly and publicly,  into the daily community life of the Church!  Imagine the pastors who will come to understand us where we are and console us with the magisterial knowledge that  – although the ideal is still a ways off for us – what we have and what we choose to do is, here and now, God’s will for us. Deo Gratias! No one can be condemned forever!

And note: no one, absolutely no one, plans parenthood as well as monogamists, in cahoots with God.

Heterophilic monogamy has become the love that dare not be mentioned, the “love without a name.” For some a stifling, nasty, dirty, slimy, smarmy thing, never to be mentioned on a cake or on any pastry. But, in private, for decades I have quietly reveled in it, glorying in the love of my one wife while keeping my mouth shut for fear of reprisal, fear of ridicule.

I can no longer be silent. Now I dare…. I’m here, she’s dear, get used to us.


More to explorer

Seeing the Light

  Hard to believe it is seventy-one years since I Saw the Light was written by Hank Williams.  The song powerfully coveys


  1. I am still wondering where they will take the middle schoolers for field trips to view those who do hetero-monogamy without shame, without blame.

    If heterosexual-monogamy disappears, there won’t be too many middle schoolers to take on field trips 🙂

  2. “I am still wondering where they will take the middle schoolers for field trips to view those who do hetero-monogamy without shame, without blame.”
    They will bring the middle schoolers to the local cathedral where two become one flesh in the covenant with “their Creator”. God forces no one into heaven.
    Guy McClung: This beautiful.

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