JRR Tolkien Empathizes

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News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:

 

MASTERTON, NZ—After successfully directing the smash-hit, multi-film epic retellings of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, Peter Jackson says he has settled on his next project: a 12-hour cinematic trilogy retelling the story of John 11:35: “Jesus wept.”

According to Jackson, the first film will tell of the backstory of Jesus’ life leading up to the climactic weeping, including his battle with the Orcs and the disciples’ epic confrontation with the three dark wizards from the East. “Yeah, most of that isn’t perfectly explicit in the text,” the New Zealand filmmaker told Entertainment Weekly in an exclusive interview. “So we’re taking a few small liberties, but the gist of the story is in there.” Jackson remains tight-lipped about the contents of films two and three, but sources indicate that they will include plenty of skirmishes with the Uruk-Hai and a faithful adaptation of the Scriptural story of Christ’s battle with a Balrog in Samaria.

Jackson also confirmed there would be pinecone grenades, to the delight of many.

 

Go here to read the rest.  I have been unable to confirm the rumors as to whether Mel Gibson will be called in to direct, and if the film will be entirely spoken in Elvish with Latin and Aramaic subtitles.

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