Donald R. McClarey

Give ‘Em a Point for Honesty

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   MENLO PARK, CA—In a move to better filter out unapproved positions and people, Facebook unveiled its new Bigot Recognition Technology (BRT) at a press event Tuesday. The new tech automatically

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Donald R. McClarey

Democratic as Adjective

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   ARLINGTON, VA—At a press conference on Thursday, American Nazi Party leader Emmett Scoggins told reporters that his group is not trying to instate full-on Nazism, but a much

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Donald R. McClarey

PopeWatch: One With Nineveh and Tyre

News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—The city of Washington has declared a state of emergency after the Almighty condemned the city, being unable to find ten righteous people anywhere near the nation’s capital. Senator

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Donald R. McClarey

Even Hell Hath Its Standards

  News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   U.S.—A horde of demons known as “Legion” begged the Lord to cast them out of a hysterical mob of outraged liberals and into the abyss during a violent protest

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Donald R. McClarey

You Just May be a Fascist If

Thanks Bee!   You may be a Fascist if:    Your response to an opposing viewpoint is to punch someone in the face.  You celebrate violent extremists who dress in black.  You engage in street battles to silence those who

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Donald R. McClarey

Believe all Women!!! Except:

    News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—After facing mounting criticism over apparent hypocrisy within its ranks, the movement using the hashtag #BelieveAllWomen has come out with an extensive list of exceptions to its directive to

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Donald R. McClarey

Well That’s a Relief

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—Shortly after Elizabeth Warren released a DNA test that may or may not show that she is 1/1024th Native American, failed presidential candidate and former Secretary of

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Donald R. McClarey

The Kavanator

News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—The death toll from Justice Brett Kavanaugh’s first week on the Supreme Court has just topped 330 million, a report from the CDC indicated Friday. As soon as the

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Donald R. McClarey

Actually This Explains a Lot

News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WORLD—The U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change came to a grim conclusion regarding the rapid warming of the earth, should people not band together to give more power over to

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Donald R. McClarey

Democrats Aren’t Obnoxious Enough

  News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—After failing to stop the confirmation of Justice Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, the left pointed to what they think was their main area of failure: they just weren’t

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Donald R. McClarey

Makes Sense

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—All Republican members of the United States Senate have been placed on official lockdown after known murderers publicly made ominous threats of violence against them. The group of murderous

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Donald R. McClarey

Just Friends

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: GLENDALE, CA—Writers for VeggieTales have confirmed to press that stars Bob and Larry are accountability partners and nothing more.  The statement came after progressive outrage over Sesame Street’s confirmation that Bert and

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Donald R. McClarey

Patheos v. Christ

News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   SEATTLE, WA—After reading several chapters from the gospels over the weekend, local progressive believer Wendy Butler reportedly published a Patheos blog post in which she criticized Jesus of Nazareth for

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Donald R. McClarey

Astonishing

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—In a SiriusXM interview Friday, Chelsea Clinton stated it would be “unchristian” if she were to believe in God, read her Bible, or otherwise act in a way consistent with faith

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Donald R. McClarey

Scandal

But anonymously posted accusations ought to have no place in any prosecution. For this is both a dangerous kind of precedent and out of keeping with the spirit of our age. Emperor Trajan to Pliny the Younger   News that

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Donald R. McClarey

PopeWatch: Predator

News that PopeWatch missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   HOLLYWOOD, CA—After resigning from his position in the Catholic Church in disgrace, ex-Cardinal Theodore McCarrick has reportedly signed on for a role in a sequel to The Predator, a reboot of the

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Donald R. McClarey

Do as I Say, Not as I Do

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   URBANA, IL—In a moving speech delivered Friday, President Barack Obama called for the nation to turn from fear, anger, and resentment, despite having stoked these emotions at every

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Donald R. McClarey

Well, That Would Explain a Lot

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   VATICAN CITY—In a private moment of reflection after watching one of his cardinals state that the head of the Roman Catholic Church was too busy speaking about the environment, addressing

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Donald R. McClarey

Priorities

Hattip to commenter Greg Mockeridge.  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   VATICAN CITY—In his first public statement on the horrifying, devastating report on sexual abuse within the Catholic Church, Pope Francis stated he would address the

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Donald R. McClarey

Cthulhu Trumped

    News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—Cthulhu the Great Dreamer has released a new tell-all book detailing his time working closely with President Donald Trump for several months in 2017. The One who

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Donald R. McClarey

Satan’s Minions Never Sleep

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   INTERNET—Sources confirmed Friday morning that Satan’s armies are still heavily focused on infiltrating and maintaining control of website comments sections across the internet, a tactical onslaught they’ve been focused on for

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Donald R. McClarey

Chicago, the Home of Random Senseless Violence

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   CHICAGO, IL—It looked like good news for Chicago as the skyrocketing murder rate finally started to level off, but the reason for the decline turned out to be alarming:

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Donald R. McClarey

They Probably Don’t Even Have a Starbucks!

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   RIVERDALE, NY—31-year-old Darlene Austin has always been an avid supporter of socialism, but she recently had an eye-opening experience. “At a vegan cafe, I met a guy from Venezuela,”

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Donald R. McClarey

Well, This Sounds Reasonable

News that I missed while on vacation, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:     VATICAN CITY—Following his recent announcement that the Catholic Church no longer supports the use of the death penalty, Pope Francis clarified that it may still be

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Donald R. McClarey

He’s Sorry

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—In response to criticism of the alleged shadow ban of certain right-leaning accounts on the platform, Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey apologized Friday for allowing conservatives on the platform in

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Donald R. McClarey

PopeWatch: Democratic Socialism

News missed by PopeWatch courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   You can’t go into a Whole Foods or indie record store without hearing somebody talk about it: democratic socialism. Is it a radical new idea that we should try out

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Donald R. McClarey

Stop Imposing Your Catholicism on Those Poor People!

News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an alarming show of religious extremism and complete disregard for the separation of church and state, Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh was spotted by news reporters serving food

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Donald R. McClarey

That Would Be Unthinkable

News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—The Resistance movement, formed to oppose President Trump, has stepped up its efforts against the right’s “rapidly encroaching tyranny.” They have vowed to do whatever they can to stop Trump, other

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Donald R. McClarey

Enemies of the People

News I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:     RICHMOND, VA—In a bold move intended to battle fascist ideology, antifa activists have released the home addresses of two children who allegedly sold Steven Bannon lemonade as he walked by

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Donald R. McClarey

Beauty Contest

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—Bowing to public pressure, Donald Trump has agreed to remove a popular mainstay of the Supreme Court nomination process: the swimsuit competition. “This is long overdue,” said law professor

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Donald R. McClarey

This Explains a Lot

News that I have missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—While most Americans are hostile to socialism, touching a hot stove, and sticking one’s face in a sack full of badgers, surveys show that millennials are much more open to

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Donald R. McClarey

Amen!

As usual, The Babylon Bee is on target:   U.S.—After Justice Kennedy announced his retirement Wednesday, the nation took a brief moment to thank the Lord that Hillary Clinton lost the 2016 election, and thus would not be able to

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Donald R. McClarey

PopeWatch: The Great Escape

News that PopeWatch missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   VATICAN CITY—Pope Francis again eluded his security detail Monday, this time quickly releasing statements which seem to cast doubt on the Catholic Church’s longstanding positions on polygamy and Unitarianism before he

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