Ferengi-nomics

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(Content advisory to the above video.  A few of the Rules of Acquisition are off-color.  You know what the Ferengi are like.)

We have been having a debate recently on The American Catholic between Austrians and Distributists.  As a devotee of free enterprise with as little government intervention as possible, I have found some wisdom in the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition as set forth in one of my favorite fictional realms:  Star Trek.  Many of the Rules of Acquisition of course are merely for entertainment purposes and would lead to immoral results, if not bankruptcy or prison, if attempted in reality.  However,  after a quarter century of running my own business, I believe these rules are insightful:

2.   Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
5.   Keep your ears open.
6.   Small print leads to large risk.
7.   Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
13.  Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
15.  A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
20.  Peace is good for business.
24.  Never confuse wisdom with luck.
25.  Expand, or die.
26.  Don’t trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
27.  The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
29.  Good customers are as rare as latinum — treasure them.
30.  There is no substitute for success.
31.  Free advice is seldom cheap.
33.  The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
35.  Home is where the heart is … but the stars are made of latinum.
36.  Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
38.  The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
39.  Never let the competition know what you’re thinking.
40.  Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
45.  Sleep can interfere with profit.
46.  You can’t free a fish from water.
54.  Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
56.  Only fools pay retail.
58.  Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.
63.  It’s always good business to know about new customers before they walk in the door.
65.  New customers are like razortoothed grubworms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they can bite back.
67.  Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.
68.  Always know what you’re buying.
71.  You can’t buy fate.
79.  No good deed ever goes unpunished.

However, even the canniest business man or woman is often at the whim of what governments do or do not, as Quark, the archetypal Ferengi observes below:

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2 Comments

  1. Wow! They managed to get all 285 in during that video. Someone must have the book, as they never referenced all 285 on DS9. Setting them to Pachelbel’s Canon in D is a nice touch.

  2. I didn’t watch the whole first video, but it skipped 5, 14, and 15, at least. I don’t think there’s any such thing as a complete canonical list.

    That second video is a classic bit. One of the great things about DS9 was its willingness to show the cloying, soft-tyranny side of the Federation.

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