9-11 Conspiracy Theories Are Ludicrous

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From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion.  The true humor of course is that a cottage industry has arisen claiming that 9-11 was an inside job.  No belief, no matter how farcical, will fail to have fools and knaves to rally about it.  A useful resource to answer some of the whacked out contentions of the 9-11 Truther Movement is the Debunking the 9-11 Myths at Popular Mechanics.  Another first rate source is the Journal of Debunking 9-11 Conspiracy Theories.

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Even Satan Hates the Press

An Easter Egg from those brilliantly twisted folks at The Lutheran Satire.  Added bonus:  

Saint of the Day Quote: Saint Anselm

Come now, insignificant man, fly for a moment from your affairs, escape for a little while from the tumult of your thoughts.


  1. I volunteer to give a gratis kickboxing lesson to anyone that ascribes to such lunacy.

    The truth is the mortal remains of 1,100 persons that tragically expired that inauspicious day were never found or returned for burial to the widows and orphans.

  2. I did find that Popular Mechanics book extremely helpful both for understanding the claims by the truthers as well as the mistakes they’re making.

    Considering the outrage by the left that people think Obama is a Muslim or doesn’t have a birth certificate, it’s amazing that this kind of nonsense it tolerated, as I’d rather Americans think the President was lying about his religion rather than the President has coordinated an attack on his own people.

  3. The fact that Popular Mechanics is a co-conspirator in supressing the truth is hardly surprising given that it is owned by privately held and therefore notoriously secretive Hearst Communications. But for The Onion to betray its normally exceptional journalistic principles by promoting this transparent parody is very disappointing. It seems that no one outside of Hollywood has the courage to speak truth to power anymore.

  4. Since you can’t really argue with crazy people, the best defense may be humor. When he hears people voice these types of bizarre theories, a friend of mine in a very serious tone chimes in, “Yeah you know Fort Sumter was in an inside job as well.” Sometimes people actually go along with his charade and then they really feel stupid when he tells them the truth.

    I told him the next time to add some more historical events to his routine. For example tell them that the the Archduke was never shot and WWI never really happened. Perhaps tell them that the Archduke lives on an island where he has since married Ameila Earhart and is entertained nightly by the sounds of Elvis and Jim Morrison performing in the hotel’s lounge.

  5. We know that 9-11 was a conspiracy. Al Qa’eeda conspired to destroy, what they consider the symbol of Western imperialism – money, wealth and trade, as in the World Trade Center. Of course, that is only the secondary target, the primary target has and always will be the heart of Christendom, Our Holy Church.

    Were elements in our government and other power centers involved? I don’t know, but I suspect that it is probably likely. To be clear, the truthers miss the point when they decide to attack Bush and the ‘Right’ in general, because that makes a mockery of the likely collusion. It is neither part of the false Left-Right paradigm, nor American and it isn’t even part of our governing structure. What is far more likely is the embedding of moles, spies, collaborators and other hidden elements that seek to destroy what is left of Western Civilization.

    Look at the Ft. Hood shooter, he was an officer in our Army and yet, he is a Moslem terrorist. We are all concerned about Mexican anchor babies used to facilitate illegal immigrants getting work and welfare here, yet what goes relatively unnoticed is Moselm anchor babies that can blend in to our American culture and yet harbor ill will and are likely to strike in the future.

    Communists, who now subvert us by openly ‘serving’ in our government have been there all along, only they were hiding. Conspiracies are real, beginning in the Garden and resulting in the Fall. To ignore that is to be out of touch with reality. Of course, the secret nature of conspiracies is that facts are hard to find and even when known the context is difficult to discern.

    Did the Al Qu’eeda terrorists receive support from elements in our country and from elements within our government? Probably. Does that mean that this is part of some government conspiracy? I doubt it. But we have to recall that some will use government power for their own ends, others for ideological ends and yet others will infiltrate in order to destroy because they work with our enemies. It is quite possible. Was George Bush the mastermind? Of course not. It is unlikely that conspirators can achieve that high and public an office. Unlikely, but it may have been achieved in 2008. Nevertheless, Obama is a pawn of his own ideology and the behind the scene machinations of those with evil intentions.

    There is no question that we have been weakened in the eyes of Moselm terrorists and the Islamic heresy, the Communists and just about every enemy, foreign and domestic, since this man has taken office.

    We have to remember that poor leadership and even foreign attack, especially Moslem and Communist, is punishment for sin. Unless you are deluded into thinking our culture is heading in the right moral direction, then you cannot ignore the fact that these things happen because we are unfaithful.

  6. I have long suspected Mike that Popular Mechanics is in league with the Illuminati, although the Onion did surprise me. I assumed that the Onion was owned by the cattle mutilating subsection of the Elvis-was-an-alien-cult and they are strong believers that 9-11 was an inside job.

  7. I was speaking (no, really!) with a liberal who believes in UFO’s and Big Foots, not in God.

    I told him if while deer hunting in the Adirondacks, I saw a Big Foot, I’d shoot the son-of-a-gun.

    He begged me not to. He said, “That would (tick) off the aliens.”


  8. I hear that the world is actually controlled by someone in a bunker in rural Illinois, a Catholic (who else?) who occasionally communicates with his minions via coded essays about Abraham Lincoln.

  9. My problem with both conspiracy theories and accepted “our government is great” jingoism is the same, and partially put into words for me by someone on Facebook the other day:
    1. Original Sin
    2. Most people are too lazy or incompetent for conspiracies (or government) to work properly.

    That said, I don’t believe it was an “inside job” in the sense of the “Truthers”, but I *do* believe that our government has a long history of allowing events to happen when it wants to go to war to justify being the “heroes”: Lusitania, Pearl Harbor, and Tonkin Bay all were to some degree known about, and the 9/11 Commission found that the government did have information that could have helped prevent 9/11.

    As for whom the terrorists were attacking, they didn’t attack the US for being the “heart of Christianity” or for being Catholic. They attacked the US for being imperialistic and for spreading filth around the world through Hollywood.

  10. “They attacked the US for being imperialistic and for spreading filth around the world through Hollywood.”

    Complete and total rubbish. Some of the 9-11 perps slept with prostitutes in the days leading up to them murdering 3000 innocent Americans. Pornography of a particulary perverse nature has been a part of Arab culture for centuries as well as wide spread pederasty. As for imperialism, if that means that we will not allow them to annihilate Israel or murder every Christian and Westerner in the Middle East, guilty as charged.

    The Jihadists actually murdered 3000 innocent Americans for the same reason they have murdered Spanish, English, French, etc and countless Muslims: Power. The Jihadists are involved in a long term war to seize power throughout the Islamic world. Attacking the US placed Bin Laden and his gang of merry cut throats at the top of this movement. Attacking all nations in the West helps give the jihadis street creds among the inhabitants of the Islamic world who wish to see their countries ruled by these thugs.

  11. “I hear that the world is actually controlled by someone in a bunker in rural Illinois, a Catholic (who else?) who occasionally communicates with his minions via coded essays about Abraham Lincoln.”

    Please J. Christian, I do not want to have to send my squad of papal albino squirrel assassins to silence you!

  12. I hear that the world is actually controlled by someone in a bunker in rural Illinois, a Catholic (who else?) who occasionally communicates with his minions via coded essays about Abraham Lincoln.

    Hey, if you broke the code, you would know that that last essay about secession actually revealed who was really on the grassy knoll in Dallas. I never would have guessed it -not in a zillion years.

    And now I know, but I’m not telling. 😉

  13. Ah, but who is pulling the strings of this world controller? (“Yes, dear, I’ll get off the computer soon and do the dishes and take out the trash.”) 😉

  14. “”Look, there’s Joel,” visitor Lance Mattson told reporters, pointing to a wall listing the names of the several thousand Jews who received advanced warning not to go into work on 9/11. “It’s just so moving to think—hey, why are you asking so many questions, anyway? Who sent you here?”

    “Oh my God, this is all part of it, isn’t it?” Mattson added. “I should have known! This whole place is just another conspiracy to placate those brave enough to speak the truth.”

    Mattson then excused himself and rushed past a series of bronze bas-reliefs charting the connections between the Carlyle Group, Donald Rumsfeld, and the bin Laden family.

    At press time, no members of the Trilateral Commission, New World Order, or the committee in charge of constructing the 9/11 memorial at the Ground Zero site in Lower Manhattan were available for comment.”

    The Onion outdid itself on that one Paul!

  15. I’m a traditionalist, so of course I believe the Stonecutters are the ultimate source of Earthly power and evil.

  16. The hypocrisy of Christians has been the basic complaint of Muslims from day 1, when Mohammed infamously challenged the Christian priests to walk through fire to prove their faith–a challenge which St. Francis offered to accept, winning him the Sultan’s personal medal and an escort for his pilgrimage through the Holy Land.

  17. “The hypocrisy of Christians has been the basic complaint of Muslims from day”

    No, the main complaint of Muslims against Christians from day one is that we are polytheists because of our belief in the trinity and because we worship Christ as God.

    Sura 4.171 “O followers of the Book! do not exceed the limits in your religion, and do not speak (lies) against Allah, but (speak) the truth; the Messiah, Isa son of Marium is only an apostle of Allah and His Word which He communicated to Marium and a spirit from Him; believe therefore in Allah and His apostles, and say not, Three. Desist, it is better for you; Allah is only one God; far be It from His glory that He should have a son, whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth is His, and Allah is sufficient for a Protector.”

  18. The main thing I notice about these theories is that they seem so unnecessary, and distract people from the real problems. Things we know, with no conspiracies necessary: our government gave and continues to give large amounts of money and influence to Saudi Arabia, which fosters these terrorist groups and from which most of the 9/11 terrorists came; our government’s immigration policies allowed people who all but had ‘terrorist’ written on their foreheads to infiltrate the country using sneaky tactics like writing ‘Hotel’ on their Visa application; and our government’s main reaction to the attack was to start body-searching Irish grandmas and telling people they couldn’t take shampoo on airplanes.

    Isn’t that condemnation enough? Do we really have to come up with elaborate “Bush planned it” theories to be convinced that the powers that be are corrupt and too caught up in political correctness and their own quest for power, and that they should all be run out of town? I sure don’t.

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