Here I Stand And Insult, I Can Do No Other

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The 16th Century was the golden age of the insult.  Shakespeare is replete with eloquent examples of villification including my personal favorite:

The devil damn thee black, thou cream-faced loon! Where got’st thou that goose look? 

One of the grandmasters of the art of the insult was Martin Luther, Doctor of Theology and heresiarch of heresiarchs.   In the age of miracles we live in, someone has at last invented the Martin Luther Insult Generator.  Now you, at your fingertips, can see the vituperation that flowed freely from the pen of the “pope” of Wittenberg.  Go here to view it.  Some sample insults:

In lying fashion you ignore what even children know!  (Somebody bring in a kid, quick!)

You reek of nothing but Lucian, and you breathe out on me the vast drunken folly of Epicurus!  (Ah for the halcyon days when first-rate insults required knowledge of ancient philosophy!)

You are worthy only to be mocked by the words of error!  (Oh, I think that words of miscommunication could also mock me on some blog days.)

You should rightly be called lawyers for asses!  (Ouch!)

Are you ignorant of what it means to be ignorant?  (I would always give the palm to ML when it comes to an expertise on the subject of ignorance!)

You people are more stupid than a block of wood!  (I rather suspect that he knows some of the judges I have appeared before over the years!)

You are the most insane heretics and ingrafters of heretical perversity!  (Irony was not Luther’s strong point.)

We despise your whorish impudence!  (Careful Herr Doktor, or there will be calls for a boycott of your sponsors!)

You are dumber than Seriphian frogs and fishes!   (Newt, is he aiming that at you?)

You are like mouse-dropping in the pepper!  (Note to self:  Never, ever dine at the Luther’s!)

You arsonists, enemies of languages and truth!  (Tell us how you really feel Martin!)

Your sin smells to high heaven!  (Luther always had an obsession with bodily functions and evil smells.  How different our history might have been if Beano had been around during his time!)

My soul, like Ezekiel’s, is nauseated at eating your bread covered with human dung. Do you know what this means?  (That mental health counseling was not a well-developed discipline in the 16th century?)

So much for some samples of the imprecations of the father of  a certain style of blogging.  Any of our commenters who wish to improve on Luther’s insults should feel free to do so in the comboxes.


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  1. More and Erasmus have some pretty choice insults, too. This is More on an Englishman with French affectations:

    He pays the servant nothing — like a Frenchman.
    He clothes him in worn rags–in the French way.
    He feeds him little, that little poor–as the French do.
    He works him hard–like the French.
    He beats him often–like a Frenchman.
    At gatherings, on the street, in the market, in public, he quarrels with him and abuses him in the French manner.

  2. OK, here are three that could be HHS cost free bp regulators:

    If you who are assembled in a council are so frivolous and irresponsible as to waste time and money on unnecessary questions, when it is the business of a council to deal only with the important and necessary matters, we should not only refuse to obey you, but consider you insane or criminals. – council could be read as a certain fed. gov. branch

    We leave you to your own devices, for nothing properly suits you except hypocrisy, flattery, and lies. – testifier subj. of Jesuitical 13 post

    The reward of such flattery is what your crass stupidity deserves. Therefore, we shall turn from you, a sevenfold stupid and blasphemous wise person. – or, for the above, and also, for e. branch HHS promoters (cino’s)

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