Sometimes I can get heated in my writing. I recognize that I am not always the most temperate of bloggers. But if I ever write anything as hysterically removed from reality as this Corner posting by Deroy Murdock, please have me forcibly removed from the internet.
Murdock starts out semi-sensibly, expressing his disgust over Akin’s comments and stating that he should have dropped out of his Senate race. Fair enough, that’s how I felt about the matter. Then he delves into apocalyptic nonsense.
This will be an utter catastrophe for the GOP — from St. Louis to San Diego to Seattle to Sarasota to Seabrook.
Any American who does not know Akin’s name already is about to hear it non-stop, thanks to Democrats who cannot believe the beautifully wrapped gift that Akin just handed them. Rather than engage the buoyant Paul Ryan and the re-energized Mitt Romney or explain to seniors why President Obama swiped $716 billion from Medicare to finance Obamacare, Democrats will have a much more startling theme to pound home until November: Republicans are soft on rape.
Yeah. It is true that Akin has likely prevented the Republicans from picking up a Senate seat, but Murdock is just as likely highly exaggerating the ramifications of his comments for the rest of the party. Yes, Akin provides some fresh meat for a Democrat party, but really, they aren’t really saying anything new about the woman-hating GOP. Meanwhile, the economy remains a shambles, and the American public is only so willing to permit distractions to make them forget that fact. So I think that Akin’s comments, while insanely idiotic, will not have a far-reaching impact beyond his own race.
Around the clock, Democratic candidates, spokesmen, commercials, and the party’s foot soldiers in the news media will labor sedulously to transform the party of Lincoln and Reagan into the party of Akin. By Election Day, Akin will be more famous, ubiquitous, and inescapable than Kim Kardashian. His twisted comments on rape will be played again and again, with spooky music, scary edits, and every instrument in the campaign consultant’s tool box applied to amplify this message.
By November 6, the only woman who will vote for Mitt Romney will be Ann Romney — maybe.
Uh huh. The GOP will be able to replay Obama’s “you didn’t build that” comment on the same repeated loop (and actually slightly more often considering the GOP money advantage). Which of these two ploys will resonate more deeply with voters this election cycle?
With women (and many men) terrified by the Party of Rape, Republican candidates and causes will fall like autumn leaves, after which some will blow away, and others will gather in piles and fester.
Sure. Moreover, failed Republican candidates will grieve for months over the shocking loss. Bereft of comfort, they will spiral out of control, dying desolate and alone, clutching nothing but an empty bottle that was their only means of warmth on the cold streets in which they dwelled. Their widows and orphans will wallow in misery. Even with Obamacare fully implemented and strengthened by the McCaskill amendment barring all private insurance, making the federal government the sole provide of healthcare, the GOP widows will be abandoned by a vengeful government. Eventually they will be killed – as will we all – by the machines that rise to power after President Biden accidentally flips the wrong switch on the day they are to be activated in our war with Canada.
Does Akin want to be the man whom history will recall as guaranteeing McCaskill’s reelection, possibly keeping the U.S. Senate in the hands of hardened liberal Democrat, Harry Reid?
Does Akin hope to be known in perpetuity as the cause of Barack Obama’s reelection, notwithstanding the multifarious merits of the Romney-Ryan ticket?
Does Akin want to lie on his deathbed and exhale his last breath while trying vainly to forget that he made it impossible to repeal Obamacare, reverse the rampant damage of the Obama years, and turn America from the path to decline?
Does Akin want to wake up in the fiery depths of hell, Satan welcoming him to an eternal torment?
Does Akin want to spend his hellish eternity watching re-runs of What’s Happening while listening to the soulful tunes of Kenny G?
Does Akin want to open the portal that allows all of the demons of hell to march triumphantly upon heaven, thus causing all of eternity to be erased in an instant?
Well if Akin doesn’t want to end all of existence, then there’s no choice but to unleash the hounds of parliamentary procedure.
On its opening evening in Tampa, the Republican National Convention should vote on prime-time television to denounce Akin, reject his wretched comments, disassociate the party from him, and pledge that no GOP resources will be deployed to support his campaign. Each delegation should express itself on this matter through a roll call of the states. The decision should be overwhelming, if not unanimous, against Akin.
His name will be stricken from the records, his mere existence denied Republicans for all eternity. Any who dare even mention the name Akin – who hereafter shall be referred to as He Who Must Not Be Named – will be arrested and jailed.
Of course this still might not be enough. Todd Akin should be dragged onto the stage and sacrificed. Sandra Fluke should be invited to be the one to plunge the knife into Akin’s still-beating heart. And she should be given a lifetime supply of contraception as a final means of atonement.
Then, and only then, will this long national nightmare finally be behind us.
Until somebody else says something stupid. In other words, when Joe Biden speaks in public again.
You’re right, he is hysterical. Liberal friends must have been on his case about it all day. In the meantime, the government is still spending money at an insane clip, unemployment is still high and when I filled my gas tank today I had to part with $55. I may be wrong, but I don’t think the American people are stupid enough to talk about nothing but female plumbing and the comments made by a MO Senatorial candidate for the next 2 months, although the Democrats think they are. But then the Democrats think the electorate is so stupid they can’t obtain ID or birth control for themselves or manage their own healthcare. That’s why we need Democrats to do those things for us.
I don’t see what else the GOP can do about Akin that they have not already done. Romney/Ryan did a quick pivot, denounced the comments, tried to get Akins to drop out and the GOP money spigot has been turned off. Endless groveling and apologizing is not the way to project an image of strength and adulthood. The GOP has always been bad about letting itself be put on the defensive by the donks, and so they always get caught endlessly explaining that they really don’t hate women and really don’t want to kill grandma and let people die on the side of the road.
Enough of that. Romney and Ryan had a great week last week because they were on the offensive. That needs to continue and I think it will. And I think that if the Dems continue to pound it after that, they’ll overplay their hand – especially if Akin starts gets money from the Dems to help him continue. Remember Wellstone.
Oh, and anybody who believes that Akin’s remarks reflect on the entire GOP was never going to vote Republican anyway.
Someone should tell him that by saying such things in such ways, he makes them more likely to become real.
What voters really care about can be divined from a remark of Lionel Jospin’s that is widely believed to have cost him the French presidency – «l’État ne peut pas tout» – The state can’t do everything. It was the ultimate apostasy from all they had been taught to believe.
bravo, i sent NRO an email saying this. well mine was only one sentence but same gist.
i may be reading too much into this but IIRC Murdock is a “The Economy Is Everything” conservatarian (correct me if i’m wrong — and obviously i am not trying to downplay its importance, just saying) and so that might explain why he thinks the GOP needs to be so forceful in denouncing this guy. obviously no one’s defending Akin but maybe he took it as there being more Akin-like Dark Age forces in the GOP, threatening to derail Romney-Ryan’s laser-like economic focus? i dunno.
honestly when i got toward the end i thought maybe he was going for some kinda satire
no one except Mike Huckabee*, Morally Therapeutic Conservative extraordinaire
“he said sorry” — ugh
Agreed Paul. This hysterical fellow reminds me of this incident from the Battle of the Wilderness in 1864:
“On the second day of the fighting one Union general told him, “General Grant, this is a crisis that cannot be looked upon too seriously. I know Lee’s methods well by past experience; he will throw his whole army between us and the Rapidan, and cut us off completely from our communications.” Usually phlegmatic, Grant permitted himself a rare show of annoyance. “Oh, I am heartily tired of hearing what Lee is going to do. Some of you always seem to think he is suddenly going to turn a double somersault and land in our rear and on both of our flanks at the same time. Go back to your command,” he snapped, “and try to think what we are going to do ourselves, instead of what Lee is going to do.””
Some conservatives always act as if they need a spine transplant.
The real answer to the question is abortion is murder. Killing your child is murder and your choice. It’s not a war against women. It is a war against children supported by everyone even the phony president and his wife, yes the demo-dummies. Look at the web-site Priests for Life and see the pictures of your choice. Or maybe you don’t want the responsibility of of your choice being shown. Akin is only supporting his view and not yours.
“Seriously Deroy Murdock Needs Some Xanax” — that has got to be the tag of the day!
I can kinda sympathize, just a little, with his sentiment — the last thing the GOP needs is more “war on women” meme ammunition — but can ANYONE, seriously, think of a POTUS race that was decided by a single ill advised remark by a downballot candidate from one state? Some people point to Gerald Ford’s “there is no Soviet domination in Eastern Europe” remark as the undoing of his 1976 election bid, but that was something HE said during a nationally televised debate, not something said by a GOP Senate or Congressional candidate that hardly anyone outside that person’s home state had heard of.
Henry: I honestly have no idea who or what your comment is addressed to.
Love this post, Paul Z. Some of your paragraphs approach the satire level of “The Larry D”.
“Moreover, failed Republican candidates will grieve for months over the shocking loss. Bereft of comfort, they will spiral out of control, dying desolate and alone, clutching nothing but an empty bottle that was their only means of warmth on the cold streets in which they dwelled. Their widows and orphans will wallow in misery. Even with Obamacare fully implemented and strengthened by the McCaskill amendment barring all private insurance, making the federal government the sole provide of healthcare, the GOP widows will be abandoned by a vengeful government. Eventually they will be killed – as will we all – by the machines that rise to power after President Biden accidentally flips the wrong switch on the day they are to be activated in our war with Canada.”
😀
Murdock says “Does Akin want to be the man whom history will recall as guaranteeing McCaskill’s reelection, possibly keeping the U.S. Senate in the hands of hardened liberal Democrat, Harry Reid?”
If he had trimmed his rant to this sentence he might have had a point and it would be bad enough as an outcome. However it wouldn’t have generated your impassioned (and hilarious) response. So we must be grateful for all of it.
“Does Akin want to spend his hellish eternity watching reruns of What’s Happening!!! while listening to the soulful tunes of Kenny G.?”
Kenny G. would be mere purgatory. Spending eternity listening to Yoko Ono or Bob Dylan… now that would be hell 🙂