Prayer in Time of Grief

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O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.




Hattip to A Catholic Mom in Hawaii.  Since the death of my son Larry I have found this prayer by Father Robert Fox to be of comfort:

God of life and death, You have taken a beloved one from me.  My heart is very heavy.  I recall that Your Son, Jesus Christ, became man in all things except sin and that He groaned in sorrow at the death of His friend, Lazarus.  I unite my grief with Yours dear Jesus, as You stood at the tomb of Lazarus.

O Virgin Mother, you know what it was like losing your husband Joseph, and then your child.  dying suspended between earth and heaven, with a sword piercing your sweet soul.  To you do I come in sorrow, begging strength from your intercession, from you who fully understand what it is like to lose one so dear and close.

Share with me, dear Mother of God, the courage, the strong faith that you had in the future resurrection.  Even after Jesus came back to life and ascended into heaven, you knew you were to be left alone for many years before your own assumption into heaven. You comforted the Apostles as their Queen and Mother during those years. Grant comfort to me now as I sorrow in pain at the loss by the separation that has come as a result of the sin of our first parents and my own sins. Wipe away my tears with the merciful love of your Immaculate Heart as you unite me with my loved one through the grace of the Sacred Heart of your Son Jesus Christ.  Amen.

I had been fortunate in my life and avoided great tragedy, until the death of my son a month ago on May 19. My mother and father died, both too young, and their deaths saddened me greatly.  However, it is in the nature of things for parents to die before their children, and although I still miss them greatly, their passing did not overwhelm my life with grief.  My son Larry’s death is a completely different matter.  I have experienced the depths of grief at his young, and completely unexpected, death, and I miss him constantly and think about him all the time.  In my sorrow the only thing that truly makes sense to me is the thought, as Shakespeare put it in Henry V, “We are in God’s hand brother, not in theirs.”  For His purposes God took my precious boy from this world and I must trust in His goodness and mercy for my son, his mother, his brother and sister, and for me.  At Larry’s funeral mass I quoted Job:  “The Lord Giveth and the Lord Taketh Away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord.”  Many people find that a hard message to accept but I embrace it fully.  Without God my dead son would be nothing, I would be nothing and all that I love would be nothing.  With God, this brief life is a mere doorway into splendor unimaginable and a love that surpasses understanding.  In the grief I experience now I truly understand, with my heart, as I always have with my mind, my utter and absolute dependence upon the grace, mercy and love of God.  Throughout my life God has given me a fairly easy path.  Now a harder path beckons, and my family and I must walk it with the same faith in God that we walked the easier path.  However hard the path I know the joy that await for those who walk it in faith, the same indescribable joy my Larry is now experiencing:

The more one thinks about it, the worse it becomes. He got through so easily! No gradual misgivings, no doctor’s sentence, no nursing home, no operating theatre, no false hopes of life: sheer, instantaneous liberation. One moment it seemed to be all our world; the scream of bombs, the fall of houses, the stink and taste of high explosive on the lips and in the lungs, the feet burning with weariness, the heart cold with horrors, the brain reeling, the legs aching; next moment all this was gone, gone like a bad dream, never again to be of any account. Defeated, outmaneuvered fool! Did you mark how naturally-as if he’d been born for it-the Earth-born vermin entered the new life? How all his doubts became, in the twinkling of an eye, ridiculous? I know what the creature was saying to itself! “Yes. Of course. It always was like this. All horrors have followed the same course, getting worse and worse and forcing you into a kind of bottleneck till, at the very moment when you thought you must be crushed, behold! you were out of the narrows and all was suddenly well. The extraction hurt more and more and then the tooth was out. The dream became a nightmare and then you woke. You die and die and then you are beyond death. How could I ever have doubted it?”

The Screwtape Letters


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  1. Thank you for sharing this prayer. We lost a dear friend in a sudden, unexpected accident yesterday, and the only thing that makes it bearable is the thought of him in a better world, where the pain of this one is forgotten, but the joy of baseball–which he loved–goes on and on without an end to the season.

  2. May God’s graces, and the comfort of the Blessed Mother, accompany you and your family as you endure this agony. May graces abound. Blessed be the name of the Lord… His mercy endures forever. My prayers are with you.

  3. I was a single parent and my only son died at the age of 33. It was quite challenging as I had to really deal with a very a reality I never saw coming. It is almost 4 years later and I have to say even though my faith was sorely tested, I have grown in my understanding of what Mary went through and what many other people have endured throughout the centuries. I thank God, I do have faith or else I might not have been able to endure the terribleness of that reality. I have hope and belief and this has grown and not diminished although I came close to many doubts. But that is what faith is.

  4. “I was a single parent and my only son died at the age of 33.”

    The same age as Jesus. My prayers for you Angela. One of the greatest gifts I think God granted us was our inability to see the future in this vale of tears.

  5. “We lost a dear friend in a sudden, unexpected accident yesterday, and the only thing that makes it bearable is the thought of him in a better world, where the pain of this one is forgotten, but the joy of baseball–which he loved–goes on and on without an end to the season.”

    My prayers for the repose of his soul Marilyn. I can just imagine the baseball teams fielded above!

  6. “It is a hard path.”

    Too often we wish to soften the hard edges of life that the Faith has always said are part of life. I have been painfully reminded that suffering is part of our lot here below.

  7. God bless you for posting this. My beloved younger brother was killed in a car accident and his death has changed my life forever, as well as the lives of the rest of my family. Having the self knowledge to see that God has led you down an easier path until this point (and recognizing that now He has a harder path for you) is incredibly important in the healing process. I am so grateful for my Catholic faith and our teachings on the meaning of suffering. I will pray for you as you grieve for your beloved son. Know that he prays for you also. God does beckon us down this harder path and what joy awaits us at the end! From experience, I can assure you that your faith will be strengthened because of this hard path you’ll be walking. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us and also for this beautiful prayer.

  8. Donald, I believe you and I have interacted a few times in various comboxes (possibly at Rich Leonardi’s “Ten Reasons”). I remember us sharing stories of our autistic sons and what blessings they brought to our lives. I can’t image the grief you and your wife face at this time, but please know that I will hug my son a little tighter and give thanks to God more loudly for this presence in my life. I will also remember your son in our prayers. Mother Mary, pray for us. May God comfort and console you all.

  9. “I will pray for you as you grieve for your beloved son. Know that he prays for you also.”

    I have asked Larry for his prayers and intercession and that is a great comfort to me. My prayers for your younger brother.

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