PopeWatch: Brazil

12 July AD 2014

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

Kingdom of Heaven––Speaking from His Eternal Throne of Cherubim, God the Creator of all that is visible and invisible confirmed today that while His Love for all mankind is as boundless as the sand on the seashore, He is “not a fan” of Brazil.

“From the beautiful beaches of its coast along the Atlantic to its lush rain forest surrounding the Amazon River, the Almighty harbors a deep and serious hatred for the country of Brazil,” said St. Gabriel the Archangel, Press Secretary of the Kingdom of Heaven since the resignation of Jay Carney earlier this year. “The Trinitarian Godhead, who is infinite both in His Justice and His Mercy, just plain old doesn’t like the place, and for some reason contained in His Mysterious Providence, wishes for its people nothing but bitter sadness in their life. That is why he allowed Brazil to suffer such a bitter and humiliating loss to the German National Team.”

The Archangel explained, however, that this hatred is “not in any way” toward the souls of the Brazilian people, and His Salvific Grace is always poured out to them. “It’s not that the Alpha/Omega desires their eternal torment; He wishes that all men be saved. But in this temporal life, the Creator simply wants them to suffer with terrible agony.”

St. Gabriel reassured the public that Brazil is not alone in the Almighty’s hatred. “I know that the lands of Haiti and Iraq are definitely up there as well.” When asked about the city of Detroit, the archangel abruptly announced, “This press conference is over.”

When asked to comment Pope Francis said, That is a relief! After Kirchner was elected President I assumed God hated Argentina.

Donald R. McClarey

Cradle Catholic. Active in the pro-life movement since 1973. Father of three, one in Heaven, and happily married for 41 years. Small town lawyer and amateur historian. Former president of the board of directors of the local crisis pregnancy center for a decade.

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TomD

Saturday, July 12, AD 2014 3:56pm

I thought this Eye of the Tiber satire was pretty bad and close to blasphemy, and then I realized that it was all just a setup for the line about Kirchner! All is forgiven!

@FMShyanguya

Sunday, July 13, AD 2014 12:06pm

Beautiful National Anthem. Thank you. Portuguese is such a beautiful language.

Penguins Fan

Sunday, July 13, AD 2014 9:50pm

My wife’s parents, who have been deceased for many years, met in New York City in the late 1940s. Sra. Penguins Fan’s mother was from Colombia and poke almost no English. She got lost in NYC. She came across two men who she desperately tried to explain her situation. these men worked with Sra. Penguins Fan’s father. He was from Portugal who came to the USA through Miami and stayed for a while in the Portugese community in Fall River, Massachusetts. He understood her Spanish. Later they got married, moved to Colombia and adopted the little baby who I married years later.

The point? She told him , “Portugese is badly spoken Spanish.”

PopeWatch: Brazil

Donald R. McClarey

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