The Tenets of BBQ-ism

I acknowledge that this post has nothing (or next to nothing) to do with either American politics or Catholicism, but please indulge me as it is almost the weekend. This comes from my blog, the Barbecuers’ Guide to Dieting, which I am once again updating. It’s a basic set of tenets that are meant to inspire those of you looking to diet.

1.  Enough with the no-fat nonsense.

I was corrected on Facebook for particularly focusing on yogurt as there may be some practical reasons for the existence for non-fat yogurt, but in general non-fat stuff is simply crap. Not only does non-fat food usually taste significantly worse than full-fat food, it’s not any healthier. Calories are what counts, not necessarily where the calories are from, and non-fat stuff is usually loaded up with sugar. In the end, you are consuming just about the same amount of calories. What’s more, fat tends to fill you up more than sugar, so you are likely to get hungrier quicker if you go with the non-fat option. Finally, who wants to taste a dry, 90% lean burger when you can have a glorious 80% or even 75% lean one?

2. Dieting isn’t what you think it is.

This is connected to the first point. You might think that in order to lose weight you need to stop eating things like bacon and eggs and replace these items with “healthy” alternatives. In some cases you may have to, but that is rarely the case. People overestimate how many calories are in things like bacon and eggs and underestimate how much are in other products. Four slices of bacon add up to approximately 200-250 calories, depending on the cut. Two whole eggs are about 150 calories total, and less than half than that if you only eat the whites (which is frankly where a lot of the nutrition is). So a breakfast of bacon and eggs will be anywhere between 300-500 calories, depending on how you prepare it. That “healthy” muffin might contain as many calories if not more, and it will not fill you up or keep you as full as the alternative. Even a fruit smoothie will probably contain as many, if not more calories. Now, there are other reasons to go with the fruit smoothie (like the vitamins), but calories shouldn’t be why.

Long story short, the key to dieting is keeping careful track of what you eat. If you need to write down what you eat, especially at the beginning, in order to track your calories, that’s all well and good. The main thing is that you at least don’t intake more calories than you burn if you’re goal is weight maintenance, and to burn more calories than you consume if your goal is weight loss. It doesn’t exactly matter what you eat, which brings me to point number three.

3. Fad diets will fail.

If you’re on a diet that requires you to stop eating entire categories of food, it almost certainly will not work in the long run. I am sympathetic to some of the specialized diets that are out there, especially the paleo diet. There are definitely foods that do pack more nutritional punches than others, and if you are on a strict calorie count you need to economize on the foods you eat, so it is wise to avoid those sugar-laden, processed foods. But are you going to tell me that potatoes and legumes are completely out? Please. You shouldn’t have to walk around with a list in order to decide whether or not you can eat something. Not only is it going to prevent you from eating relatively healthy foods, but it will eventually simply drive you mad, until you crack, eat the forbidden food, and despair that you have blown your diet.

Even worse than ditching food categories are ditching food elements, which leads me to item four . . .

4. Stop it with the gluten free stuff already.

Unless you are gluten sensitive or have celiac disease, knock it off with the gluten free madness. First of all, half the stuff that gets labelled “gluten free” couldn’t possibly have gluten. Oh, you went to Whole Foods and spent an extra five bucks for that “gluten free” steak? Good for you, now here’s a smack for being an idiot. More importantly, gluten is just a protein. The thing itself has no adverse impact on your diet, unless of course you are in the aforementioned categories. Maybe it’s the entire loaf of bread that you ate that’s causing you indigestion, not the gluten that’s in it.

5. Stop listening to fraudulent experts.

This one’s dangerous because here I am giving you advice, and I have no scientific or health background, but at least I’m not pretending to be an expert. But when a business major who goes around calling herself the “Food Babe” declares that certain foods are dangerous because they contain chemicals she’s never heard of, somehow millions of people listen. Yeah, we better look out that dihydrogen monoxide, it sure looks suspicious.

Folks like the Food Babe have led efforts to warn people about the supposed dangers of genetically modified foods. Of course these people pose as experts despite lacking any relevant expertise, meanwhile they get rich by ripping off dupes getting people to buy their organic and “wholesome” products.

Let’s settle this now – there is no credible evidence indicating that GMO products are a greater health risk than organic food. Now if you want to spend double buying organic because it soothes your conscience, that’s on you, just don’t manipulate people into thinking they are improving their health or frankly that the food tastes significantly better. And please don’t brainwash people into thinking that something that literally feeds millions more people than traditional methods is somehow evil.

6. Don’t obsess.

The worst thing you can do about food, dieting and health is to stress about it, because stress itself is bad for your health and bad for your diet. There is a lot of information out there, and a lot of different resources telling you completely contradictory things. What you need to do is find out what works for you, and stick to your program. That’s it.

Now as my grandmother would say, MANGIA!

More to explorer


  1. I suspect the popularity of gluten-free products is also due to the fact that they are touted as a remedy for autism, ADHD and other learning/behavioral problems.

  2. I am a diabetic and a compulsive overeater who has attended 12 step OA meetings (am in the parent program too). I speak from experience: what you write, Paul Zummo, has so much common sense that it will be rejected by all the “correct” thinking people out there. I suspect, however, that rejection bothers you not in the least. Great post and a good lesson in sanity for this overeater.

  3. For as long as anyone can remember, local young people have been coming to our stables to ride our horses and to help out in return. It is only in the past ten years that weight has become an issue.

    I remember the first time. A 15 year old girl, 5’ 4” and a good 220 lbs, had, unfortunately, set her heart on learning to ride on my English Thoroughbred mare. I tried, as tactfully as possible, to suggest another horse, an Irish Draught gelding with lovely manners, that I told her would suit her much better, but she knew the reason.

    Well, her mother turned up later in the day and berated me soundly.

    “Don’t you realise,” she demanded “that that’s the sort of thing that could give her a complex and lead to an eating disorder.”

    It would have been churlish to suggest that the poor child obviously had an eating disorder.

    The story did have a happy ending. The girl did keep coming and learned to ride on Hudson and another heavy hunter. She seemed never happier than when she was grooming them. Over the next two years, she lost about 40 lbs (how I don’t know and I was too tactful to ask) and she competed on Cassie (the TB) in some local shows.

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