Tiber Creek Community Church

Tiber Creek Community Church


Church Pop brings us the news:



ROME, Italy — Pope Francis has changed the name of St. Peter’s Basilica to “Tiber Creek Community Church,” Vatican spokesperson Fr. Federico Lombardi announced this morning.

“The greatest church of Christendom, built on the holy grave of the martyr-prince of the Apostles, has been known as ‘St. Peter’s Basilica’ for 1700 years,” Fr. Lombardi explained. “It was long overdue for a rebranding.”

He continued that this was just the next step in Pope Francis’ greater program of trying to make the church more relatable to the average person.

“How many Catholics today even know who St. Peter is?” Fr. Lombardi asked reporters, eliciting murmurs of agreement. “And besides, referencing St. Peter is a dead giveaway that we’re Catholic.” Fr. Lombardi said that naming the church after it’s geographic location without any denominational identifiers was more in line with how modern people felt about religion.

Fr. Lombardi also announced that projectors and screens would be installed throughout the basilica in the coming week, that a “totally rocking” worship band was being formed, and that Pope Francis planned on making his sermons “relevant to every day life.”

“The Trinity, the Incarnation, the Virgin Birth, these are all interesting — to dead theologians,” Fr. Lombardi said dismissively. “But how does that apply to my everyday life? How will that help me advance in my career? That’s what Pope Francis is going to be focusing on.”

According to an anonymous source within the Vatican, when some of his advisors voiced concerns about the name change, Francis informed them that he had already purchased the new sign.

“He was really proud of the sign,” the anonymous source said. “He told us he already had some great jokes to post up there.”

This of course is a humor piece.  These days, I guess it is necessary to make that clear.

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  1. The coffee & donut’s after mass sign was superb. An addition to St. Peters that all rotund clergy and lay Catholics can appreciate! Thanks for the laugh.

  2. The ‘Creek’ part gives it a real down-home-on-the-farm flavor, don’t y’all agree? I wonder how an Argentine gaucho would say “y’all”?

  3. ‘ I wonder how an Argentine gaucho would say “y’all”? ‘
    “Vosotros” is the plural familiar “you” (a/k/a “y’all”) in Spanish — although it’s not used that much in Latin American Spanish (much more common in continental Spanish). “Vosotros” does show up in the Bible, though (depending on the translation). Perhaps someone more familiar with Argentine Spanish would know if there’s any regionalism similar to “y’all”, or if “vosotros” is more commonly used in Argentina than in the rest of Latin America.

  4. The only Spanish I know of that has a drawl is Costa Rican, and unfortunately I don’t know Spanish too well at all. It would be fun to look for the counterparts to English slang.

  5. It’s a small world. I flew to Costa Rica to join my wife, who had been living there for three months, and stayed for two weeks. Our landlady insisted on talking to me in her drawling Spanish, and I was largely able to follow her conversation. I couldn’t believe what I heard. She told me all about how her son-in-law dumped her daughter and ran off with the daughter of the Japanese-Costa Rican woman who went to jail for planting a bomb at the U.S. Embassy there! To this day I still shake my head over the degrees of connection.

  6. French actually has a verb, « tutoyer » meaning to address someone using the 2nd person singular form « Tu »

    « On se tutoie? » means “Shall we call each other « Tu »?” Rather like using first names in English.

    English etiquette used to be similar. When William Penn, following the Quaker usage, addressed the Recorder of London as “thou,” the outraged judge retorted, “Dost thou “thou” me, thou villain?”

    Edinburgh shopkeepers tend to use the 3rd person, “Can I interest the gentleman in…?”

  7. “French actually has a verb, « tutoyer » meaning to address someone using the 2nd person singular form « Tu »”

    The equivalent verb in Spanish is “tutear,” and is used just like “tutoyer” in French.

  8. Catherine A. McClarey wrote, “The equivalent verb in Spanish is “tutear,” and is used just like “tutoyer” in French.”
    Thank you for that. Perhaps, the Recorder of London was not using a neologism, when he rebuked William Penn for “thouing” him – Interesting.

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