PopeWatch: He’s Back


From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:


VATICAN–According to reports today, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI is seeking the chair of his pontificate months after his resignation. The news has sent shock waves around the world.

Vatican spokesman Fr. Vitateli Devitiamani told EOTT that, “He came for a dinner as scheduled and then proceeded to return to his old living quarters. That wouldn’t be a problem, since His Holiness Pope Francis chose to live elsewhere, the room is open. However, once we asked him where he was going, he simply said, ‘I’m back,’ then proceeded to put his sunglasses on even though we were inside.”

Sources say that the next morning, he walked down the hall asking for his valet and his red Prada shoes, and was overheard asking an adviser to “get Burke on the line.”

This comes 19 months after his official resignation from the Holy See. EOTT had the chance to sit down with the Pope Emeritus to discuss the ordeal.

“You have to understand that, months ago, I received a call from Word of Fire Catholic Ministries. It was Fr. Steve Grunow on the phone along with his colleague Jared Zimmerer. They’re both serious about the care of the body and the mind, and offered to help me regain some strength in both. I gratefully accepted. So, after months of training, I’ve lost weight, regained my muscle mass and strength of mind. I’ve never felt better. And to tell you the truth, I never actually filed the paperwork to officially exit my office,” Benedict said just outside the Bernini Columns where he proceeded to flick a lit cigarette into a full barrel of gasoline and walk away as the barrel exploded.

At press time, Benedict still hasn’t looked back at the massive explosion.

When contacted by phone, Pope Francis said, “What a relief! I would have gone crazy if I had to read another blog article about how I was single handedly destroying Catholicism!  Dealing with la Presidenta Kirchner back in Argentina will be a breeze after this!”


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  1. Winston’s? Maybe Marlboro. Camel no filter. No. For the Terminator it must be CK Chesterton’s.

    Yes. Smooth and reliable. CK Chesterton’s are rich in flavor. Honest to goodness holy smokes.
    For the man with integrity and principles it must be……….CK Chesterton’s.

  2. Papa Ratzinger can keep the Chair, provided Francis is removed from St. Peter’s along with it and is replaced by Bishop Fellay, or if he is too humble, perhaps in a “compromise” that “traditional liberals” might find intriguing, allowing Marie “Bai” Macfarlane a caretaker Pope role, to work to actually attempt to heal families, address, somewhat reasonably the pastoral marriage and tribunal insanity, and to allow time for the clearly incompetant “kindergarten of Cardinals” to be replaced by a solemn group of faithful marriage defending contentious annulment respondents, to choose the next Roman Pontiff, in the sincere hope of restoring Catholicism.

  3. Philip: You are seriously Phunny. I am hurt though by Benedict flicking a lit cigarette and blowing up Bernini. It was probably phrancis’ barrel of gasoline.
    Karl: Yours is a very good comment. “kindergarten of Cardinals”

  4. Yes Mary. Phrancis’ barrel of gasoline refined at one of Mr. G. Soros’ Brazilian Oil refineries. So happy we, (U.S.) could h$lp them out. Barrack is ha$$y too.

  5. If B XVI were B-17, maybe. Too bad.

    When I smoked (like a chimney) it was mostly Chesterfields. By the grace of God, I was able to quit twice. The second time I was a part-time smoker, only at work, and had to go outdoors to wreck my heart and lungs.

    I daily smoke a half a cigar, walking the pooch. Maybe a whole cigar on Saturday and Sunday.

    From Kipling, “The Betrothed”

    “And a woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.”

    Nothing good ever came out of a papal resignation.

  6. T. Shaw

    If Ya got em’ smoke em’.
    I too smoked for many years. Cold turkey in 94′. So blessed to have quit.

    I hope I didn’t infringe on Chesterfield’s good name. 🙂 I might need a good lawyer.

  7. Mary De Voe.

    Teetering on the fine line of humor and obnoxiousness. That’s my address I’m afraid. Sorry if it’s more of the later and less of the former.

  8. A Catholic environment exists when Gods’ laws are followed. God Bless America and her people of good will. The others ???? God Bless Pope Benedict. Pope Francis ,I leave in Mother Marys’ hands.
    Please come back Pope Benedict and save the Church.

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