Mark Judge has advised Hollywood that a movie on the battle of Lepanto would make a ton of money. Go here to read his post. Christopher Johnson, a non-Catholic who has taken up the cudgels so frequently for the Church that I have named him Defender of the Faith, dreads what Hollywood would do with it.
Mark Judge dreams big dreams:
Memo to Hollywood: if you want to replicate the blockbuster success of American Sniper, make a film about Lepanto.
The Battle of Lepanto was fought on October 7, 1571, in the Gulf of Lepanto south of Greece. It was a seminal victory of the Western world turning back Islamic imperialism, which in the 16th century had been spreading west for one hundred years, since the time of Mohammed.
It would make a ton of money. But I think that Mark is smart enough to know that there is a five-word reason why a Lepanto movie will never see the light of day. Roman Catholics win. Muslims lose.
I’ll just be blunt about it: Lepanto would be a film about Islamic imperialism and the attempt by the Christian West to turn it back. It would depict Muslims — not all Muslims, but more than a few — as violent hegemonic oppressors intent on taking over the world.
Yeah, Mark, considering what Hollywood just did to Noah, here’s that pitch meeting.
“Okay, we LOVE the script. Our tech people tell us that CGI-ing the sea battle itself will be a piece of cake so we’d LOVE to take this project on. There are just a couple of very MINOR changes we’d like to make.
“What kinds of changes?
“Well, for a start, is it absolutely NECESSARY that the opposing fleet be Muslim?”
“Because…that’s what they…were?”
“I’ll take your word for it but remember, we’ve got foreign markets to consider. What Muslim country will show this movie?
“What self-respecting Turk is going to pay good money to watch his own fleet getting blown out of the water? No, we’ve got to lose the Muslim angle. How about we make the other fleet Protestants?”
“Because Protestantism was barely 50 years old at the time of the battle and didn’t have a fleet. Why would you even suggest such an absurd…”
“Artistic license. What say we move the whole thing to land then? Protestants v. Catholics.”
“Then it wouldn’t be a sea battle, would it?”
“Will you work with me here?!! How about this? The enemy fleet is filled with Vikings.”
“Great!! Except for the fact that the Viking Era ended roughly 500 years before this battle took place. Tell you what. Thanks for your time and we’ll get back to you.”
Go here to read the comments. Ah, if only such a film had been made during the Golden Age of Hollywood! Directed by Cecil B. DeMille, with Charlton Heston as Don Juan of Austria. Cervantes is portrayed by Mel Ferrer. Saint Pius V would be memorably brought to the screen by Rex Harrison. A cast of thousands, including lots of European actors and actresses with accents incomprehensible to American audiences. Anthony Quinn, Demille’s one time son in law, could play the Ottoman leader, as during his career he portrayed every ethnic group imaginable. Samuel Fuller is brought in to direct the battle scenes. The Pope is asked to attend a private screening and agrees so long as Demille allows rosaries to be said following each performance of the film! And, of course, sections of Chesterton’s poem Lepanto would be flashed on the screen as a classy narration. The critics would hate it and audiences would love it!