PopeWatch: Drought



From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:


In response to California’s four-year drought, California Governor Jerry Brown has ordered the country’s first-ever mandatory baptism restrictions.

Brown’s executive order mandates that all churches in California cut back baptisms by 25 percent. The actual baptism restrictions are left in part up to the local dioceses, which will determine baptism limits and ways to monitor how many individuals are being saved by the blood of the Lamb.

Brown told the press this morning that the 25 percent of baptisms that are to be cut also applies to full immersion baptisms that take place in the ocean or lake.

In response to cut backs in baptisms, Archbishop of San Francisco Salvatore Cordileone criticized Brown’s measure to possibly restrict an additional 25 percent, and to force those to be strictly baptisms made by desire.

“We understand that the Governor believes we need to conserve water,” Cordileone told EOTT this afternoon. “But that we might have to force an additional 25 percent of incoming Catholic to wait until death to be baptized is ridiculous. On the bright side, I was able to talk him out of possibly mandating that all incoming pro-life Catholics be baptized by blood.”When asked to comment, Pope Francis said, “My encyclical hasn’t cause rain to fall in California?  Maybe we should try an exorcism of Governor Brown next.”

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  1. Meanwhile, up in the San Bernardino mountains, the last baptized Christian is quietly building an ark….

  2. Meanwhile, up in Napa Valley, descendants of Italian winemakers were gathering to sign a petition to send to Pope Francis, seeking his approval to use wine in place of holy water for baptisms in order that they to be good (wine) stewards and avoid having to deal with those undesirable free wine markets.

  3. Since Nancy Pelosi dwells on the “sacred ground of abortion” and as long as her address is California what else is there to say about the drought there. Have the voters kick her out and see what happens.

  4. Of course, biblically speaking drought is a punishment for godless behavior (1 Kings 17-18), however it may be that our present pontiff might try to re-write those uncooperative scripture passages into a wacko-eco interpretation..

    This thought is before me all the time in the present waterless, godless wastes of California.. and no end in sight, to either drought.

  5. The Diablo Canyon Nuclear Power Plants in California have a solution for the drought problem: nuclear desalination. The largest desalination facility on the west coast of the United States is nuclear powered. Would the Pope accept water for baptism from nuclear energy?
    I love nuclear energy. I despise, loathe, abhor, detest, and hold in utter contempt and disdain Argentinian Marxist Peronism.

  6. Of course EOTT is a tongue-in–cheek discourse that tangentially hints at truly possible absurdity. And Jerry Brown, a one-time Jesuit of a few years, is a loon that could possibly do something like this (especially as he bragged at NOT having a shower himself as a model to be followed). He is also the fellow who said anyone who reads medical materials can take the MD boards, and if he passes, can practice medicine. Ah the insanity that is innate in political leaders!!

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