Hattip to commenter Ernst Schreiber for the suggestion. Pope Francis has admitted that he does not know much about economics. Faithful Catholics have a duty to help the Pope learn more about this area he clearly likes to talk about I hereby announce a campaign for Catholics to send links to the I Pencil movie, The Road to Serfdom video and Keynes v. Hayek Second Round to the Pope! He doesn’t have a public e-mail address but the Vatican Press Office does:
In the comboxes please link to any other videos you think might be useful for the Pope as he learns about The Dismal Science.
The Vatican is having today a conference on global warming. I sent them the following message:
I know, you, Vatican clergy don’t believe in God, Heaven, Satan or Hell, but I’m gonna say it anyway: Satan has bought you. Keep it up with your population control, global warming hoax, abortion funding, distribution of contraception materials, promoting sterilization to save your mother earth, through the guise of social justice crap. Your place is reserved in Hell from Eternity. God gave you an assignment, only one assignment: Preach the Gospel and lead souls to Heaven. But you followed your god, Satan. So, keep it up. Say “hi” to Al Gore for me, your little god, will you?
but, but he’ s going to check the Magisterium … or have it cherry-picked such as with the Gospels.
From the article referenced in the post “Now he tells us”:
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“I speak of the poor because they’re at the heart of the Gospel,” he said. “I always speak from the Gospel.”
But the common people, the simple people, the worker, that is a great value, Francis said.
“I think you’re telling me about something I need to do. I need to delve further into this magisterium,” he said, referring to official church teaching.
or, from a more civilized societal era, the Parable of the Isms:
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“You have two cows” jokes originated as a parody of the typical examples used in introductory-level economics course material. They featured a farmer in a moneyless society who uses the cattle he owns to trade with his neighbors. A typical example is: “You have two cows; you want chickens; you set out to find another farmer who has chickens and wants a cow”. These examples were meant to show the limitations of the barter system, leading to the emergence of currency and money.[citation needed]
The “two cows” parodies, however, place the cow-owner in a full-fledged economic system where cows are used as a metaphor for all currency, capital, and property. The intent of these jokes is usually to point out flaws and absurdities in those systems, although non-political jokes have been derived from them.[1][2][3][4][5]
Jokes of this type attracted the attention of a scholar in the USA as early as 1944. An article in The Modern Language Journal lists the following classical ones:[6]
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Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour.
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Communism: You have two cows. You give them to the government, and the government then gives you some milk.
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Fascism: You have two cows. You give them to the government, and the government then sells you some milk.
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Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
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Nazism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
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New Dealism: You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots one, buys milk from the other cow, then pours the milk down the drain.[7]
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Bill Sherk mentions that such lists circulated throughout the United States since around 1936 under the title “Parable of the Isms”.[8] A column in The Chicago Daily Tribune in 1938 attributes a version involving socialism, communism, fascism and New Dealism to an address by Silas Strawn to the Economic Club of Chicago on November 29, 1935.[9]
Now you have done it Patricia!
“Feudalism: You have two cows. The lord of the manor takes some of the milk. And all the cream.
Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes one of your cows and gives it to your neighbor. You’re both forced to join a cooperative where you have to teach your neighbor how to take care of his cow.
Bureaucratic Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as its regulations say you should need.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
Communism: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for you share of the milk, but it’s so long that the milk is sour by the time you get it.
Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Militarism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
American Democracy: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair “Cowgate.” The cows are set free.
Democracy, Democrat-style: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being so successful. You vote politicians into office who tax your cows, which forces you to sell one to pay the tax. The politicians use the tax money to buy a cow for your neighbor. You feel good. Barbra Streisand sings for you.
Democracy, Republican-style: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You move to a better neighborhood.
Indian Democracy: You have two cows. You worship them.
British Democracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and they go mad. The government gives you compensation for your diseased cows, compensation for your lost income, and a grant not to use your fields for anything else. And tells the public not to worry.
Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You lay one off, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when she drops dead.
Singaporean Democracy: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
Hong Kong Capitalism (alias Enron Capitalism):
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute an debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows.
The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Isands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows’ milk back to the listed company.
The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the Feng Shui is bad.
Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
Foreign Policy, American-Style: You have two cows. The government taxes them and uses the money to buy a cow for a poor farmer a country ruled by a dictator. The farmer has no hay to feed the cow and his religion forbids him from eating it. The cow dies. The man dies. The dictator confiscates the dead man’s farm and sells it, using the money to purchase US military equipment. The President declares the program a success and announces closer ties with our new ally.
Bureaucracy, American-Style: You have two cows but you have to kill one of them because the government will only give you a license for one of them. The license requires you to sell all your milk to the government, which uses it to make cheese. The government pays lots of money to store the cheese in refrigerated warehouses. When the cheese spoils, the government distributes it to the poor. The poor get sick from the cheese, go to the emergency room, and are turned away because they have no health insurance. The President declares the program a success and reminds us that we have the finest health care system in the world.
American Corporation: You have two cows. You sell one to a subsidiary company and lease it back to yourself so you can declare it as a tax loss. Your bosses give you a huge bonus. You inject the cows with drugs and they produce four times the normal amount of milk. Your bosses give you a huge bonus. When the drugs cause one of the cows to drop dead you announce to the press that you have down-sized, reducing expenses by 50 percent. The company stock goes up and your bosses give you a huge bonus. You lay off all your workers and move your production facilities to Mexico. You get a huge bonus. You contribute some of your profit to the President’s re-election campaign. The President announces tax cuts for corporations in order to stimulate the economy.
Japanese Corporation: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You teach the cows to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Your cows always get higher test scores than cows in the U.S. or Europe, but they drink a lot of sake.
German Corporation: You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year and are very expensive to repair.
Russian Corporation: You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count your cows and discover you really have five cows! You have more vodka. You count them again and discover you have 42 cows! You stop counting cows and have some more vodka. The Russian Mafia arrives and takes over all your cows. You have more vodka.
Italian Corporation: You have two cows but you can’t find them. While searching for them you meet a beautiful woman, take her out to lunch and then make love to her. Life is good.
French Corporation: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want another cow, more vacation and shorter work weeks. The French government announces that it will never agree to your demands. You go to lunch and eat fabulous food and drink wonderful wine. While you are at lunch, the airline pilots and flight controllers join your strike, shutting down all air traffic. The truckers block all the roads and the dock workers block all the ports. By dinner time the French government announces it agrees with all your demands. Life is good.
Political Correctness: You are associated with (the concept of “ownership” is an outdated symbol of your decadent, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender. They get married and adopt a calf.
Counterculturalism: Wow, dude, there’s like . . . these two cows, man. You have got to have some of this milk.
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.”
Distributism: You name one of your cows Chesterton and one of them Belloc, and argue with them about what distributism means. Nothing much else ever gets done.
The instruction Pope Francis needs is the understanding of Christ’s teachings and how to communicate them. He should leave economics, climate change, etc to others. Pope Francis needs to get his priorities straight. Here we have world wide culture in rapid moral decline and a Catholic Church which does little to allay it, or even to recognize it, but would rather concentrate on making a heaven on earth (Social Justice) which only makes the world descend into hellish moral chaos faster.
John Paul IV above has exactly the words Pope Francis needs to hear. Let us pray Pope Francis opens himself to the light of Christ.
As I recall, there was a Looney Tunes cartoon with a great explanation of capitalism given by Elmer Fudd. Did the trick for me. I’ve been a capitalist ever since.
As a retired educator, I recall that some folks are uneducable. Or, put another way, “all the miracles…..
Ideologies tend not to seek truth with much passion.
Loved yours Donald. I recall Polish relatives telling us the definition of a Polish cow as one that grazes in Poland but is milked in Russia.
Ha!
The Pope does not understand the concept of liberty:
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=muHg86Mys7I
I think I need to get one of these for my “classroom.”
http://www.amazon.com/Teachers-Discovery-Political-Ideologies-Chart/dp/B004VMXCWG
Patricia and Donald- very good! I am sharing it
Argentine corporatism: You have two cows. You take out a pension on them and the government nationalizes the pension after the government runs the government system into bankruptcy. The government uses the money to give the cows free cosmetic surgery. They are udderly fabulous cows!
…aka Peronism