PopeWatch: Republican Rite




From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:


Fox News Channel CEO Roger Ailes has petitioned the Holy See for approval of a new Republican Rite of the Catholic Church, sources are confirming.

The Rite, which would be under the direct jurisdiction of the Primate of the Republican Party, His Holiness Patriarch Donald John Trump I, would be a self-governing church in, more or less, full communion with the Pope.

“As Patriarch and successor to Ronald Reagan, His Most Divine All-Holiness and Primus Inter Pares of the Grand Old Party, will have direct political and canonical authority over all regions within the walled country of the United States,” Ailes announced. “We ask approval of the Holy See, that we can once and for all make official our standing as the official party of the Vatican in the United States.”

Ailes went on to announce that seat of the “Holy Mother Party” would be located in the Republican National Committee headquarters in Washington, D.C. He also announced that plans were already in place for the formation of a new Code of Canons for the rite, which would include sections titled, How To Handle Syrians That Wish To Enter the Rite, Certain Special Procedures With Regards To Carly Fiorina’s Face, and Ecumenism And How To Bomb The Shit Out Of Other Rites.

At press time, a spokesman for Trump says that plans are underway for a Jubilee Year, which would commence with ceremonious Closing of the Holy Door to pilgrims.

When questioned about this, Pope Francis refused to say whether the new rite would be approved but did note that the US bishops did promote a Democrat Rite and referenced the canonization funeral mass of Senator Kennedy as an example.



And with that, PopeWatch will be on Christmas hiatus until January 4, 2016.

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  1. Pope watch gone till January 4th and the UCONN women are off for the week. What shall I do but keep a watch for that Grinch character after he gets through running the House of representatives for the GOPe?

  2. I lost it here and needed to sit down place my head between my legs and do slow, deep breaths in order to
    prevent loss of consciousness due to most uncontrollable laughter:

    “…….and Ecumenism And How To Bomb The Shit Out Of Other Rites.”

  3. Hey, how about Trump for the Republican Pope? Then hold an election. Eye of the Tiber could do a lot with that notion.

  4. It seems Karl has beaten me to the punch line. The comparison of the new Republican Rite to the already functioning Democratic Rite found in the last paragraph exposes the displacement of God and the preposturing of the Democrat as god, complete with songs of worship and praise.
    I wonder if Mary Jo Kopechne attended.

  5. I like to think I have a good sense of humor, but this about the political parties being “fake churches” just isn’t funny to me. re: Cardinal George +RIP ” A Tale of Two Churches”.

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