Chicago, the Home of Random Senseless Violence

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News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:


CHICAGO, IL—It looked like good news for Chicago as the skyrocketing murder rate finally started to level off, but the reason for the decline turned out to be alarming: murder has gotten so bad in Chicago that now even the average murderer won’t go out at night for fear of being murdered.

“I love murder,” said local murderer Carl Gross, “but I don’t want to be murdered. It’s gotten so bad out here, though, that we regular, salt-of-the-earth murderers are being preyed upon by all the really deranged murderers who don’t follow the murderer’s code of not murdering murderers.”

Bennie Arnold, Chicago resident and occasional strangler, agreed. “I just want to strangle people,” said Arnold. “But now I’m too scared to go out at night to find victims, so I just stay home with the doors locked. I guess now I know how I made regular folk feel… which would really make me think if I weren’t a sociopath.”

Go here to read the rest.  From 2011 MadTV:


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  1. Why are democrat-run cities such cesspools of dependency, misery and violence?

    Hint: It ain’t the NRA cuz the 33 states with largely unrestricted handgun ownership have comparatively no crime, outside democrat controlled localized cesspools.

  2. Chicago is well…. hopeless.
    One of the most outspoken libs cry’s out his
    Anti-hope future. Ya gotta love it!
    Mr. Moore….the savior of Traverse City’s downtown theater. Schmucks make up the Left and Michael is the poster child.

  3. Again, this is quite unnecessary. Step one has to be a Mayor and police leadership who take an interest in motivating work forces and optimal deployment of manpower. Rahm Emmanuel et all prefer failure. The rest of the Chicago political class as well as Chicago’s electorate are down with failure. The situation’s worse in Baltimore.

  4. For breaking the bloggers rule, I apologise.
    An attack, warranted or not, is not becoming of a follower of Christ. Mr. Moore’s theater, on May 1st 2018, had a free screening of “Obvious Child.” An abortion romantic comedy. Complementary alcohol beverage provided.
    Two Catholic Priests and a handful of faithful protested that afternoon in front of the theater.
    The protest was prayerful and peaceful.

    To see Mr. Moore dump on Hope is absolutely in line with his selection of movies to entertain the “public.”
    I’ll pray for him now.

    Forgive me for abusing this thread. I realize it is off topic.

  5. Like most large cities, there are “no go” zones. A colleague recently visited Chi town and said what a great time she and her family had and how much they loved Chicago. I doubt she strolled around South Shore. There are parts of my urban area I have no qualms walking at night. There are parts I do not venture in broad daylight.

  6. Chicago is an extremely segregated city, and most of the murders take place in the black ghettos where white people and tourists never venture. I lived downtown for 20+ years and never felt unsafe.

    In addition, and ironically, some of the formerly most dangerous black and hispanic neighborhoods are gentrifying and are now much safer.

    None of that of course takes away from how awful some of the ghettos are, and how awful it is for the law-abiding people that live in them. But the problem is as much one of the existence of a permanent underclass where crime is simply one manifestation. And when the underclass is moved (such as, for example, when a housing project is broken up) the crime moves with them, often to the suburbs.

    I’m not sure what the answer is. I wish I did know.

    I suppose I would start by banning rap music, which has an insidious effect 1000 times greater than the Alex Jones show could ever have. But obviously that’s not going to happen.

  7. I’m not sure what the answer is. I wish I did know.

    There are over 80 police precincts in New York City. There isn’t one where the homicide rate exceeds 16 per 100,000. In Chicago, about 35% of the city’s population lives in one of two blocs of neighborhoods where the homicide rate is 47 per 100,000. Your answer is in New York.

  8. See Heather McDonald’s work on assiduous use of statistics to guide deployments and on pro-active policing.

  9. Oh Chicago. Oh the Irony. The city, having the most strict on the books gun bans, becomes the largest outdoor shooting range in the country. It would be interesting to know how much inner-city violence skews the statistics the gun ban people trot out to propagandize their program.

  10. Oh Chicago. Oh the Irony. The city, having the most strict on the books gun bans, becomes the largest outdoor shooting range in the country. I

    Detroit, Baltimore, New Orleans, St. Louis, Kansas City (Missouri), Memphis, Flint (Michigan), Youngstown (Ohio), and Atlanta all have higher murder rates than does Chicago. So do the slum municipalities you see in larger metropolitan settlements (East St. Louis [Ill], Harvey [Ill], Gary {Ind], Newark [NJ], Camden [NJ], Irvington [NJ], Compton [Calif]).

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