PopeWatcher: Grim Reaper

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

Pope Francis decreed yesterday that death is “inadmissible” under all circumstances and that the Catholic Church should attempt to abolish it.

The change has been hailed by anti-death activists and rejected by Francis critics, who said he had no right to change the consequences of original sin.

A spokesman for the Vatican told EOTT early this morning that Francis had amended the Catechism of the Catholic Church to say that death can never be sanctioned because it constitutes an “attack” on the dignity of human beings, and that the Church teaches, “in the light of the Gospel, that death is inadmissible because it is an attack on the inviolability and dignity of the person, and she works with determination for its abolition worldwide.”

From the beginning of his pontificate, Francis began urging world leaders to abolish the permanent ending of the vital processes in cells and tissue, stressing that the innocent and guilty alike were both deserving of dignity, and therefore, not ever having to die.

“Think of Brad Pitt in Interview With A Vampire,” The Catechism of the Catholic Church now reads. “First, he’s living in like France or New Orleans (I forget which) as a normal person. But then Tom Cruise bites him and gives him the choice he never got and he takes it, remember that part? And so he becomes a vampire and a bunch of crap happens, and by the end of the movie, he’s in modern day America having seen so much stuff over the centuries, which is kinda like begin godlike, an imitation of Christ if you will, even though he did some bad things himself that could’ve easily landed him in jail and death row–I haven’t thought this all through yet, but this whole vampire angle will definitely be updated again and again in the Catechism until I’ve thought it through.”

At press time, Pope Francis is daydreaming during his weekly Vatican all-staff  meeting about how sad that one part is when Brad Pitt realizes that those French vampires are up to something and ends up finding Kristen Dunst and that random woman Dunst likes turned to ash because of the sun.

Go here to comment.  PopeWatch called a Planned Parenthood affiliate to get a comment from the Grim Reaper, but was told that he was at the unemployment office and unavailable for an interview.

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  1. This is so horribly true that I cannot laugh. Pope Francis says that the death penalty is “inadmissible” for the murderer of homicide in the first degree, but the death penalty for the victim is just lovely.
    As a citizen of the state the murderer of homicide in the first degree brings himself to capital punishment, the death penalty, Justice through his power of attorney. To deny the condemned murderer his power of attorney to bring himself to Justice as a citizen of the state denies his human dignity.
    The victim, innocent of capital punishment is dead. Her character is assassinated as well, since being put to death by a citizen of the state indicates that the innocent victim of homicide in the first degree deserved to be put to death,
    The pundits are all boo hooing over the baby rapist, murderer in homicide in the first degree of a seven year old girl who had not yet reached the age of reason. Even the Dept. of Justice recognizes that seven year old children are not deserving of capital punishment. Three decades of life after the crime, the baby-rapist is called to his Justice. Jesse Timmendequas baby-rapist and murderer of seven year old Megan Kanka is still sitting in solitary confinement twenty four years after the crime. The other prisoner would have made short work of the murderer, baby-rapist, so he has his own guard and privileges.
    Execute a couple murderer-baby-rapist in public and our children, our innocent children will be safe.
    This victims be damned attitude is taxation without representation.

  2. “Execute a couple murderer-baby-rapist in public and our children, our innocent children will be safe.” MDV

    I fully agree with that statement Mary.
    It’s time to broadcast this “reality TV.”

  3. Thank you, Philip. The Preamble, the purpose of our Constitution, reads: “to secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our (constitutional) Posterity” It is a violation of the capital murder’s human dignity and our Constitution to allow a baby-raping murderer to live. It is misrepresentation of Liberty

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