PopeWatch: Hype From Hades

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From the most intentionally humorous Catholic site on the net, A Catholic Misfit:

 

[ACMPress] – KINGDOM OF ETERNAL FLAME AND PUNISHMENT – Road commission officials from Hell announced significant infrastructure improvement plans, less than a week after a Pennsylvania grand jury released a report on extensive clerical sex abuse and episcopal cover-up, spanning a 70 year period.

Go here to read the rest.  PopeWatch called a Planned Parenthood affiliate and asked to speak with a demon.  A demon identifying himself as Webeater got on the phone.  When queried about the story, he responded, “Are all mortals so gullible?  Don’t believe the hype son of Adam.  Trump has imposed hideously high tariffs on many of the exports of Hell, and the Infernal Kingdom simply lacks the cash to fund such an infrastructure expansion.  Truth to tell, Lord Lucifer has always been a master of propaganda but He has never balanced the books and Hell has a credit rating almost as low as the morals of a typical politician.”

I then asked if Hell could cover the sudden influx of a swelling number of the damned?  Well, we’ve been coping with a steadily increasing influx of the eternally lost since circa 1725, and things are very cramped now.  In my home pit I am sharing quarters with three attorneys, two priests and a used car salesman from Guam.  It ain’t pretty.  This overcrowding has caused a lot of grumbling among the Lowerarchy and that is probably why this fake news plan was announced.”

Is Lucifer in jeopardy of losing his position as ruler?  “Naah, but He may retire.  He keeps looking at videos of the resignation of Pope Benedict and mumbling about what a lucky man he is.”

Who would take over if Lucifer retired?  “Who knows?  Maybe it will be someone promoting a more merciful Hell.  That does seem to be all the rage right now.”

He then apologized and said that he was late for his weekly staff meeting on the marketing of aborted body parts, and with that the conversation came to an end.

 

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  1. “Trump has imposed hideously high tariffs on many of the exports of Hell, and the Infernal Kingdom simply lacks the cash to fund such an expansion.” ( funny stuff. )

    Bishops Blvd. and Prince of Darkness Turnpike have pot holes that could swallow an entire Popemobile. Nasty.