News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Shortly after Elizabeth Warren released a DNA test that may or may not show that she is 1/1024th Native American, failed presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton showed the results of a recent DNA test that conclusively proved she is only 50% Reptilian.
The test, conducted by a renowned DNA expert, showed that only 50% of her blood comes from reptilian humanoids from space bent on destroying humanity. Many Washington insiders had claimed she was 100% reptile, but these claims are now known to be a hoax.
“I’m happy to announce that I’m only half reptile,” she said on an interview Sunday evening. “I hope my critics will think twice before calling me a space reptile now, since that’s only half true. I’m only part lizard person, thank you very much.”
Go here to read the rest. I guess you can’t make everyone happy. The High Council of the Slitherine Empire has issued this statement:
We denounce in the strongest terms the revelation by the human known as Hillary Clinton that she is half reptile. This is clearly a human provocation to suggest that our glorious trans- Galactic Empire has undercover agents on Earth. We have no records of any undercover agents on that miserable globe, that is not worthy for one of our Great Lizards to touch with the tip of their tongue. If this human is half reptile, it is none of our doing.