PopeWatch: Three Strikes

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

 

The Vatican has announced today that beginning next year, a new three-strikes excommunication policy will take effect.

The new three-strike policy would automatically excommunicate anyone found guilty of having committed three mortal sins.

“We are mandating this new policy because we have found that too many Catholics are either committing the same sins over and over again because they know they can simply come to confession right after, or because they simply aren’t afraid of the consequences,” said the Vatican Chief Confessions and Penance Czar Father Antonio Sabalette. “Once people know they’re just one lustful look at a woman or man away from eternal damnation without the possibility of Purgatory, we anticipate a strong decline in sinning.”

Sabalette went on to tell EOTT that with the new measures to curb sinning, four of the eight remaining functioning confessionals in the United States would be demolished to make room for more banner space.

“This is a good time in the Church. I feel happy knowing that the last remaining priests still hearing confessions in the U.S. will finally have free time on Saturdays from 3 to 3:30 to focus on other things like blogging.”

 

Go here to comment.    PopeWatch called the Vatican for comment.  After a very long time a person who identified herself as Sister Mary Beatifica got on the line.  She identified herself as a Vatican Intern from Cullom, Illinois and she advised PopeWatch that under the new three strikes policy the Pope and almost all the cardinals,  bishops and priests assigned to the Vatican had announced they were excommunicate and left for parts unknown.  “The place is like a ghost town.  It is kind of scary!”  When asked if there was a plan as to what to do next, she said that an American blogger, she thought his name was Mark Shea, had offered to serve as interim Dictator of the Church, but no one seemed to know what to do.  “I am keeping busy praying the Rosary, answering phones, cleaning, eating popcorn and watching cat videos, but I know that Catholics will not know what to do without the Vatican doing the important stuff, whatever that is, that the Vatican does!”  PopeWatch wished her well and ended the conversation.

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One Comment

  1. “eating popcorn and watching cat videos” whoever wrote this tickled my funny bone, especially the cat videos. Thank you
    Of course, the U. S. Bishops in Dallas did this earlier with three or more strikes against child molesters and the child molester is out. As instructed by Pope John Paul II, one strike and the child molester is out.
    The shield of confession cannot be used to protect child molesters since these child molesters ought not be given absolution without excommunication.

Comments are closed.