Don’t Marry A Jerk Or A Snowflake

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Yes, this is a very catchy, “hook” title.   I did not think of the “jerk” part.   I have not, however,  read “Don’t Marry A Snowflake” anywhere else.


Do an internet search of this phrase – don’t Marry A Jerk –  and you will get a plethora, an avalanche, a tsunami of information to assist you in how you can avoid marrying a jerk. I will try not to repeat all that.  So keep in mind – especially you single young adults who are in your twenties,   and very especially you all who are single in your third decade on God’s good earth – there is probably some much better advice available than that which follows below.


I have been married for over forty-five years (yes, to the same saint all those years). I have children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, cousins, and many, many relatives, in-laws and outlaws, blood and not. The total number of all these people is, truly, well over 220. A great many of them are married, or were.

 Based on all this, all my direct experience and my vicarious experience  with tons of marriages and engagements, and  with my experiences of the marriages of many, many friends over the years,  I actually have learned, and know, really know, not much about marriage.  Even less that is deep or profound.

 Still, based on all this, (and, yes, I admit, with my typical heroic humility, doing some research for this article by looking in the mirror), I can say this-Don’t marry a jerk !

 Don’t Marry A Snowflake

The other prong of this advice – Don’t Marry A Snowflake –  is absolutely  true and self-evident . You must run like hell from a snowflake- no debate, dialog, or research is needed. And when you encounter a male snowflake, you run so fast from his safe space that the snowflake has not completely melted before you are out of his sight. This  is such crystal wisdom that there is no further  discussion here of Don’t Marry A Snowflake.


Who Is A Jerk?

Back to the male jerks. This article is directed to girls and women . This is not to say that there are no female jerks. But that is the subject of another essay, or ten. 

 Some preliminary definitions will make what follows  clear.  What is a jerk?  Yes,  In the past, when you have been jerked around by a jerk, that is a person doing jerky things, you know this instantly.   You know one when you see one, but what do you see?    

You become what  you do; so males who do jerky things enough become jerks. Doing some,  just one or a few, jerky things alone does not make one a jerk. But  a male who  does them often enough becomes what he does, he becomes a jerk.

 Bottom line: a jerk cares about himself, only himself;  he doesn’t care about you.  A jerk is selfish, self-centered, chanting me-me-me, now-now-now,  a consummate narcissist. Jerk males are not  men.  PC police bring it on:  I use “male” because I will not admit that these jerks are manly, or men, or manly men. 

A marriage is not a  selfish my-body-my-self, grab-for-the-gusto, physical pleasure  here-and-now relationship.  Those of you who want a holy, covenant marriage,  three of you – man, woman, God , complete with all the help of God’s life, the grace of the sacrament – you do NOT want a jerk.

Covenant, sacramental  marriages are NOT two way streets. They are ONE way streets, and the one way is the both of you going to heaven, each one holding the other’s hand, sometimes dragging the other, carrying the other, pushing the other,  caring for the other in sickness and in health, and doing all and everything, necessary to get the other person to heaven, yes, to eternal happiness. 

One Strike Jerks

Don’t think you can marry someone to change them.  A jerk at the altar will be a jerk tomorrow.

There are some males who are jerks who are in one of the categories listed below. These are “one strike and you’re out” categories. These are RLH (run like hell) categories, if the male  says just one, only one, of these:

    1. I gotta be me.
    2. I want to be fulfilled as myself.
    3. I will have my space. I will have my man cave.
    4. I will have my time with my boys, weekly.
    5. I will watch my sports on my TV.
    6. I have a right to be rude to waitresses, to my mother, to my wife, and to anyone who I think screws up.
    7. I can and should get angry whenever I want, with my mother, with my wife, with anyone.
    8. I want this now for me, right now. I don’t need no stinkin’ wedding.
    9. Yes, I lied. So what?
    10. I’ll pay you back. I have some job interviews.
    11. Let’s party.
    12. I will change. I promise.

Note-there are not very many occurrences of “you” in these categories. There are  a lot of ”I” and “me.” 

Two Strike Jerks

If your would-be beloved male is two or more of what is listed below, he is probably a jerk: 

 ass,  bellend, blighter, blockhead, boob, boor, bounder,  brat, brute,  cad, chuff, churl, clown, creep, cretin, crud , crumb , cur, dink,  dirtbag , dog, dolt, doofus,  dork,  dweeb, fink, fool, git,  heel,  jackass, knob, leech, loudmouth, louse, lout, lowlife,  nincompoop, nitwit, numpty, pest, pill,  pratt, rat, rat fink, reptile,  rodent, rotter, schmuck,  scoundrel, scum, scumbag,   scuzzball , skunk, sleaze, sleazebag,   sleazeball  slime,  slimeball , slob, sloth,  snake,  snob, snot, sod , sponge,   stinkard, stinker, swine, toad,  tosser,  turkey, varmint, vermin, villain, wretch.


So how to find a non-jerk?  

Pray , and have faith in God your Father and in His plan for you, even if that plan is not clear to you . You truly are His child whom He loves with an infinite love. Hope that He will find you, His child,  a non-jerk.

Faith and hope are not warm, fuzzy feelings. They are actions that you do. You act in faith. You act in hope. You don’t mope.

He is your Father. He will care for you. But note: He will care for you  according to His plan and  on His schedule, not  yours.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6) 

For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) 

And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)





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