The Pizza Ten Commandments

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Today is National Pizza Day.  Time to recall the Ten Pizza Commandments:

 

 

I am thy Pepperoni, which hath brought thee out of the land of hunger, out of the house of fasting.  Thou shalt have no other toppings before me.

Thou shalt not make unto thee any pizza with anchovies on it, for such is an abomination.

Thou shalt not bow down thyself to New York style Pizza, but only Chicago style deep dish shalt thou consume.

Thou shalt not take the name of pizza and apply it to anything calling itself California style, for such is an abomination.

Remember the sabbath day, to go out for pizza.

Honor thy father and thy mother, and treat them to pizza.

Thou shalt not kill a pizza by putting asparagus on it, for such is an abomination.

Thou shalt not commit adultery while eating pizza, for such is a double sacrilege.

Thou shalt not steal thy neighbor’s pizza, unless he is ordering Papa Del’s pizza, in which case it is understandable.

Thou shalt not bear false witness by claiming that pizza must not be eaten with a fork, for such are the lies and folly of New York City, that den of wickedness and lousy pizza.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s pizza, unless it is deep dish and made in the state of Illinois.

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8 Comments

  1. And then he descended the mountain with the inscribed menu tablets…and thus he spied his people dancing and cavorting around a bronzed Hawaiian pizza.

  2. Ah, come on. I was doing so well eating healthy…and you go and post this. Now all I want is that deep-dish, polish sausage pizza w kraut from the bar 3 miles out of town.
    .
    Kraut? On pizza?! Yes, kraut on pizza. It sounds disgusting I know, but it is amazing.

  3. “Thou shalt not bow down thyself to New York style Pizza, but only Chicago style deep dish shalt thou consume.”

    Wait, this article isn’t the casserole ten commandments is it 😉

  4. It all starts with one suggestion, then, before you know it, right before our very eyes, the sacred has become nothing more than a garden variety salad….yes, it’s the Kraut invasion. We do not abide by the 10 Suggestions rather The 10 PIzza COMMANDMENTS !
    Are we to thwart the eternal designs by our selfish striving for prideful cabbage extravaganzas? Have we become so hardened of stomach to allow ourselves to manipulate the spatula of the Almighty? Are we the children of the creator or have WE become disobedient slaves to our lusts for kimchee?

    Please. Please stop the sacrilege.
    For pepperoni sake let us be United in pie. Let us not worship at the feet of Pizza the Hut.

  5. ” For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. Until death shall they part. ”
    They said to Him, “Lord, this is very difficult, should anyone marry?”
    He Said: “If any do, it would be wise to make sure she can cook, preferable Italian, especially pizza.”

  6. The secret to NY pizza is the water used in making the crust.

    The best analogy above is comparing Chicago pizza to a casserole. It’s like that line in “Band of Brothers” when they’re being fed so-called spaghetti and tomato sauce, “It’s Army noodles with ketchup.”

    Chicago pizza is filling. I’ll give you that.

    Finally, pineapple on a pizza is an abomination.

  7. DJH:
    “Ah, come on. I was doing so well eating healthy…and you go and post this. Now all I want is that deep-dish, polish sausage pizza w kraut from the bar 3 miles out of town.”
    but only if the crust is made of rye dough.

Comments are closed.