Ah Romance!

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News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:

 

CHANDLER, AZ—Marlena Bennington, girlfriend to Jace Everly for nearly three years, is absolutely swooning as Valentine’s Day approaches.

“This is our third Valentine’s Day as a couple,” Bennington told reporters. “I always get excited this time of year. Jace’s heroism really shines.” She went on to explain that, despite all the societal pressure and inevitable criticism, Everly courageously doesn’t do anything for her on Valentine’s Day. He says the holiday was founded on corporate greed and is a capitalist hoax built on a lie and is a mockery of true love.

“It’s just another excuse to get a bunch of sheeple lining up at Wal Mart to buy some mass-produced sham chocolate and flowers,” Everly explained. “The most romantic thing you can do on Valentine’s Day is act as if it doesn’t even exist.” As he said these words, Marlena was visibly trembling with admiration. “In fact, in protest, I pretend like I don’t even have a girlfriend,” Everly explained. “It’s all a social construct anyway.” He then shut the door on Marlena and locked her outside.

“He’s amazing,” she said to reporters from the front porch. “Just imagine if everyone broke up on Valentine’s Day to protest corporate greed. They could experience what I am experiencing right now…” She then trailed off. 

 

Go here to read the rest.

 

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3 Comments

  1. It’s St. Valentine’s Day! Feast of an early Roman martyr. Not Valentine’s Day. Saw a card recently covered in hearts that read Happy Heart Day. I get it; it’s a card that’s okay for Muslims, atheists, etc to send because Heart Day doesn’t even have a whiff of a Christian origin. Christ said love yourself and love one another. There are all sorts of love – marital, maternal, paternal, filial, etc.
    I like to send Valentine’s cards to elderly widows at my mission, to close friends, family and of course my husband.
    What’s wrong in the midst of bleak winter to have a holiday that celebrates friendship, affection and love? If one feels pressured well that’s their problem. Overlook the shlock in the stores.
    My family exchanged Valentine’s cards. My dad would come home from work on Feb 14th with rose sachets or flowers, a strawberry pie, chocolate, whatever. My mom would make my dad’s favorite dinner and sometimes bake a heart shaped cake. I still have a linen hankerchief embroidered with hearts that my dad gave me in my 20s.
    To all, HAPPY ST VALENTINE’S DAY!

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