Main Finding of the Mueller Investigation: Hillary was the Worst

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News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:

 

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After a two-year-long investigation that included thousands of indictments, hundreds of search warrants, and several guilty pleas, Robert Mueller and the FBI managed to provide conclusive proof that Hillary Clinton was actually just a terrible candidate, sources confirmed Monday.

The official report summary indicated that the main factor in Clinton losing the election was not Russian collusion but her just being a really bad nominee.

“We have uncovered damning evidence that Hillary Clinton lost the election by colluding with the DNC to be the absolute worst possible candidate,” Mueller said in his first public address since the historic report was delivered. “As we could not find any Russian collusion, this was the only thing we managed to prove.”

“I mean, she lost to Donald Trump, for Pete’s sake,” he added, shaking his head.

Investigators showed that Clinton’s extreme lack of charisma or likability, her awful public policy record, her constant disparagement of millions of Americans she disagreed with, and her terrible campaign strategies resulted in her defeat.

Go here to read the rest.  The Bee fails to note this internal campaign strategy memo shared by the higher ups in the Clinton Campaign and which served as their guide  to win:

 

  1. Campaign theme– Stronger Together is a great theme.  It says nothing but it says it loud.
  2. Ignore the Election Calendar-Americans routinely toss out the party in power after eight years, but we can safely ignore this because Trump is such a terrible candidate.
  3. Despise your Adversary-Always remember that Trump is a loathsome character.
  4. Campaign Lackadaisically-Hillary needs to conserve her strength.  Use surrogates as much as possible to campaign for her.
  5. Identity Politics-This is our key to victory!  Always remember to brand old white men as the enemy, because they are.
  6. Believe the Polls-Almost all the polls show us ahead.
  7. Enthusiasm-The large Trumps rallies mean nothing.  The man is a national laughing stock.
  8. Economy-Good enough.  The people want a third term for Obama, and Hillary will give it to them!
  9. Rely upon the Media-Our Ace in the hole.
  10. Believe your own Hype-We really are as good as we say.  We are going to massacre Trump and his aging band of deplorables come election day.

 

More to explorer

Even Satan Hates the Press

An Easter Egg from those brilliantly twisted folks at The Lutheran Satire.  Added bonus:  

Saint of the Day Quote: Saint Anselm

Come now, insignificant man, fly for a moment from your affairs, escape for a little while from the tumult of your thoughts.

3 Comments

  1. 11. Lethargic voting segment.

    White males from 35 to 75 years of age don’t care. They care about beer, sports and food. We can rely on their indifference come November.

    btw…that cover shot is priceless.
    Lol.

  2. It was HRC and the DNC that are guilty of crimes. Meanwhile, Putin is laughing….and sending Russian soldiers to Venezuela.

    Change of subject – Maduro must be removed, by a coalition of Brazil, Colombia and the US.

  3. I’m sorry but I must admit, NOTHING gives me a greater inner chuckle than re-watching that election night coverage.

Comments are closed.