Last night PopeWatch had a vision: Pope Francis has just announced at the Vatican that nothing he has said since his installation as Pope in 2013 matters. “You know how it is, sometimes you get a new job and it goes to your head and you say and do stupid things. This date will mark the new beginning of my Papacy. So let’s get this pontificate up and running. I command the following:
- My prior encyclicals and other writings are null and void. They are to be pulped and used for landfill in Roma.
- My new teaching on the death penalty is that it is often called for, especially for bad driving in Roma.
- The Amazon Synod is cancelled, and I am going to be excommunicating later today some of the conspirators involved in setting it up.
- Sandro Magister is appointed my press spokesman.
- All Catholic pro-abortion politicians are hereby excommunicated.
- On McCarrick, si, I knew all about him even before I became Pope. He is excommunicated. I hope he will enjoy his new lodgings in the municipal dump here in Roma.
- I am e-mailing to The American Catholic a list of all clerics and priests who are abusers and who haven’t yet been exposed. Use it as you will gringos and gringas!
- The Jesuits are suppressed. We will give them a three day head start. A new Order is hereby founded called The True Sons of Loyola.
- Cardinals Tobin and Cupich are stripped of their rank and will now assume the office of ex-priest. My new Secretary of State, Cardinal Burke, will be preparing a lengthy list of other Cardinals and Bishops who will be assuming the same office.
- Sack cloth and ashes will be the official pontifical garb for the remainder of my pontificate.
Phew that is a relief! Then PopeWatch woke up.
PopeWatch will be taking a Fourth of July hiatus until July 8, unless something major occurs, like the Second Coming or common sense breaking out in Rome.