The Unbearable Whiteness of a Polar Bear

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News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:

 

SAN DIEGO, CA—A polar bear at the San Diego Zoo has apologized to black bears, brown bears, and all other mammals of color for his “problematic whiteness.”

The bear “got woke” after a leftist protesting the zoo for keeping animals in captivity bravely leaped into the bear’s exhibit. After eating the protester, the polar bear picked up the book on critical race theory the woman had in her pocket and devoured it, first figuratively, then literally.

“Wow,” he said. “I never realized how problematic my existence was before. I really need to think about this.”

Shortly after reading the book, the polar bear, whose name is Chad, held a press conference in which he apologized for his many years of not being “woke” to the struggle of non-white animals.

“I am so sorry for everyone I’ve hurt,” he said. “I am hereby canceling myself. Please listen to black and brown bear voices.” He also announced that he was donating his remaining walruses to minority bears in need. “The overwhelming whiteness of the polar bear community should give us all paws.”

Go here to read the rest.

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8 Comments

  1. As silly as this post is, it is a mirror image of the idiocy that is prevalent today in society: Apologizing to the world for having been created in the wrong color by God.

  2. Almost as crazy talk as the Democrats’ knee-jerk reaction (“Why do they hate us?”) to the 9/11 massacres: Apologies to the 19 reverent young Muslims who felt compelled by evil America to fly jumbo jets into large American buildings.

  3. As much as I am sorry that our country has had an awful history of slavery, I was not around then, my family never owned slaves, nor have my ancestors. I never benefited from “white” privilege, nor do I even know what it means. We grew up poor, had a kerosene kitchen stove that heated the house in New England winters as well as cooked our food. We had a toilet in our bathroom. Only. We washed up in a big galvanized tub that my mother would fill with hot water that she heated on the stove for we had no hot water heater.
    We had no sink in the bathroom and even our dishes were done in the kitchen sink with water again heated on the stove. We three boys slept in one room, sister in another. My parents had their own. We were French-Canadians who were discriminated against time and again even in school. God forbid we spoke with a French accent in school. I did until the 7th grade. White privilege? Nah, I don’t think so. If there are any reparations and mea culpas to come they need to come from Democrats who have used the minorities to attain power and money. It’s really very simple n’est-ce-pas?

    Oh…one more thing. When my parents immigrated here from Quebec, they needed a visa, my father had to have someone, a citizen, to sponsor him and he had to have a job secured before stepping foot over the US border in order to live and work here. No welfare, no medicaid , no help except from other family members who had moved here before us. White privilege?

  4. OrdinaryCatholic it was the same way in S Louisiana when My parents were growing up in the 30’s. French was banned in school and you payed dearly if you spoke french. Very sad

  5. Jeanne, the difference between then and now is that we continued our Canadian culture at home in the 50’s and 60’s.. Everything about home was French, but when we went out to school or society we assimilated. We didn’t push others to provide french translators, feed us French Canadian cuisine in schools, nor did we have privileges that other citizens didn’t have yet we maintained our culture in the privacy of our homes,Today, there is no need or want or obligation to assimilate into our society. There is no common need among the leftist to be united as Americans period instead of hyphenated Americans with everyone having special rights. We have no Union.

  6. Yes that’s how it was for me also.growing up in Quebec. Opportunity was denied to the French to become a lawyer or doctor by the English elite.Immigrated in 1965.with my visa,sponcer,and a job ready.Never collected unemployment ,never receive public assistence or free anything.I,m very gratefull to this country for giving me the rigth to live here.And you illegal have no RIGTH whatsoever to demand any benefit.Go back and do it legally.I am furious at those who like to critisize our president for protecting us against this invasion . Now i,m a citizen and proud of it.

  7. OrdinaryCatholic unfortunaty for us in S Louisiana as cajuns we are in danger of losing our culture because very few of the young (including me don’t know the french from this area. What’s being taught is from teachers from France and it’s not the same

  8. “White privilege” is the “privilege” of owning not only your own mistakes, but those of everybody else as well.

    Doubly so if your a heterosexual male.

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