Trump’s Folly

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News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:

 

NUUK, GREENLAND—There have been rumors that President Trump was considering buying Greenland, and Trump has now confirmed those rumors, revealing that he sees it as a great moneymaking opportunity if the U.S. purchases the world’s largest island, fixes it up, and then sells it at a much higher price.

“Look at it; it’s prime real estate,” Trump told the press. “It’s on the very desirable Upper West Side — you know, of the Prime Meridian — and if we just modernize it a bit, that’s going to be some valuable property. And I’m going to split the profits from selling it with the American people, 60/40.”

Trump says his first plan will be to get rid of the giant glacier in the middle of Greenland. “That used to be popular, but it’s out of style now,” he explained. He plans to replace it all with “ultra-fancy” hardwood floors. In addition, he plans to maybe put up some shiplap, add an island, and upgrade the bathrooms. He’s looking at opening it up into more of an “open concept” feel with some farmhouse sinks for a more rustic feel. The president has reportedly hired Chip and Joanna Gaines to help with the upgrades. They previously worked with him to put some shiplap up on the southern border wall.

Democrats, however, are opposed, as they are usually against all of Trump’s awesome schemes, like his tax cuts and his Robot Force — a fighting force made entirely of robots. “I don’t know if I trust the market to not collapse soon,” Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said. “Plus, with the sheer volume of hardwood floors he’s talking, we’d basically have to deforest all of Brazil.”

 

Go here to read the rest.  My late father did Arctic Survival Training in Greenland in the early fifties.  I have long thought we should acquire it due to its likely mineral wealth and its strategic location.  Denmark says no sale for now.  Of course it took from 1867-1917 for us to purchase the Danish West Indies and turn them into the US Virgin Islands.  The process was started by Secretary of State Seward at the same time he acquired Alaska, Seward’s Folly, for us.  Trump has started a process and we shall see how it plays out over time.

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10 Comments

  1. My father-in-law went on a mission there as well. Operation Lead Dog in 1961. The funny thing about the video is the static screen shot that YouTube uses has him working his equipment.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JEi_dKZjnaw

    Except for a large supply of ice and rock I’m not sure how much use it could be.

  2. They can build the huts – work Americans do not want to do.

    The US needs a place to house tens of millions liberal traitors and illegal aliens.

  3. Of course it took from 1867-1917 for us to purchase the Danish West Indies and turn them into the US Virgin Islands.

    Well, about that, we shouldn’t give up our day jobs. Compare the homicide rate in St. Thomas and St. Croix with that in the British Virgin Islands (or in Martinique). Have a gander at labor force participation and homicide rates in Puerto Rico. FWER, we’ve never excelled at running overseas dependencies.

    Greenland is passably affluent with a satisfactory labor market. However, their life expectancy is depressed (rather like Russia’s) and their homicide rate is quite surprising for a territory with only small towns and countryside (though not a bad as that of the U.s. Virgin Islands). Note: Alaska also has an elevated homicide rate. I’m betting alcoholism and attendant anomie are a problem in Greenland.

  4. Greenland has the highest suicide rate in the world, but we would not be acquiring Greenland because of the 50,000 Greenlanders, just as we acquired the Danish West Indies, geography and strategy are the keys. As for Puerto Rico it has the most competitive economy in Latin America which says a lot about Latin America.

  5. As for Puerto Rico it has the most competitive economy in Latin America which says a lot about Latin America.

    I think real incomes in Puerto Rico are fairly high, but it’s a social mess. The murder rate is as bad as Brazil and the employment-to-population ratio is among the lowest in the occidental world. It’s been in a chronic recession since 2006, ruined its public finances, &c.

  6. A Trump Folly it’s not. President Johnson in the 1860s wanted to buy Greenland and so did President Truman. $100 million was one offer. For a small country like Denmark, having a colony like Greenland is got to be a major expense.
    It’s Greenland because when Lief Erickson discovered the island it had verdant pasture land. Five hundred year or so later the settlers and livestock were gone.
    The Democrats should be salivating at the idea. If they can make the Inuits feel like victims there will be more votes.

  7. The GI-UK Gap is strategic, particularly for Anti-Submarine Warfare (ASW). During the Cold War US Naval Air and NATO forces monitored the Gap for USSR submarines coming down through it from their northernmost sub base. Today the Russians are hoping to revitalize their sub force by designing stealthier armed boats.

  8. Areas of countries that are in high latitudes tend to have suicide rates higher than normal and more alcoholism because of the lack of sunlight during the long winter months. Light boxes with full spectrum lighting are a must for good health in those climes.

  9. Greenland is small change. Trump should go for Canada. Make them a deal they can’t refuse. And the Democrats would love all the more Socialists that would result.

  10. MD-

    But for the loss of so many historically noteworthy locations, I’ve always maintained that we should swap with Canada everything east of New York for everything west of Ontario. They would gain population and it would be a proper alignment of popular outlook, not to mention the addition of five teams to the NFL AND the bonus of pushing the Patriots to the CFL. I don’t see a downside, really.

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