News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:
WASHINGTON, D.C.—During a cabinet meeting this week, President Trump proposed a bold new strategy for protecting Americans from future earthquakes: Nuke California.
California has long been known for being home to highly unstable areas, such as the San Andreas Fault and UC Berkeley. Over the years, incredibly devastating earthquakes have laid waste to entire neighborhoods in Southern California, brought down bridges in Central California, and ruined a couple of games of Jenga in Northern California.
“I know lots of people in Los Angeles, in the movies. They love me over there! They won’t admit it, but they do! They really do!” Trump declared during a recent rally, “But the earthquakes, they’re a problem –a huge problem. Nobody’s ever done anything about it! Been a state for 300 years and nobody’s done a thing! So I’m thinking: They’ve got some earthquakes. We’ve got some nukes. Just a bunch of nukes laying around –more than anybody else in the world! I can tell you, nobody else even comes close! So what am I gonna do? I’m gonna bomb the [expletive] out of ‘em! That’s what I’m going to do!”
Despite the enthusiastic applause at the rally, several critics were quick to voice concerns.
“Trump needs to stop the shenanigans and stick to bombing people in third-world countries, like Obama and every other president in modern history!” CNN host Jim Acosta declared.
California Governor Gavin Newsom laughed off the idea, stating instead that he could easily get the earthquakes to leave the state if he simply taxed them enough. “Worked on everyone else!” he said.
Go here to read the rest. If the President decides to use this solution against the New Madrid Fault, I hope he recalls that Central Illinois is about three hundred miles away from it. A better idea might be to swap California to China, in exchange for Hong Kong, Canton Province, Shaghai, and an option on Taiwan if they decide to join the US. Native Californians could move to the remainder of the forty-nine states of the Union so long as they first ground their feet on a picture of Alyssa Milano, and sang God Bless the USA without choking.
The only drawback I can see to this plan would be that China would likely be desperate for us to take California back in five years. Maybe they could work out a deal with Mexico?