Friday, March 29, AD 2024 5:27am

PopeWatch: Experimental

From the only reliable source of news on the net, The Onion:

 

VATICAN CITY—Saying that he wouldn’t recommend such an invasive course of action unless the situation was dire, Pope Francis told a sinner Thursday that a risky experimental sacrament was the only thing capable of saving him. “At such an advanced stage and with sins this mortal, I’d put the odds of saving your soul at 15%—and that’s if this new sacrament even works, which is far from guaranteed as it hasn’t been fully tested on humans yet,” said the Pope, adding that in pontifical trials on rhesus monkeys, only 30% saw a moderate increase in piety and 9% were instantly damned to Hell.

Go here to read the rest.  Hold it, hold it!  Who is leaking details of the upcoming Amazon Synod to the Onion?

0 0 votes
Article Rating
3 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Philip Nachazel
Philip Nachazel
Saturday, September 21, AD 2019 5:09am

“Who is leaking details of the upcoming Amazon Synod to the Onion?”

………pope Emeritus?
🙂

Mary De Voe
Saturday, September 21, AD 2019 9:03am

“…adding that in pontifical trials on rhesus monkeys, only 30% saw a moderate increase in piety and 9% were instantly damned to Hell.”
This is the funniest thing I have read to date.

John Wesley Bowman
John Wesley Bowman
Sunday, September 22, AD 2019 7:31am

This Pope is straight out of the Abyss! Only Christ can save a man
and this Pope or the Church can save no one.

Discover more from The American Catholic

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading

Scroll to Top