PopeWatch: Not Surprised

News that PopeWatch missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:

VATICAN CITY—Pope Francis again eluded his security detail Monday, this time quickly releasing statements which seem to cast doubt on the Catholic Church’s longstanding positions on polygamy and Unitarianism before he could be secured again, sources confirmed.

Francis was reportedly able to trick his handlers into thinking he was still in bed by stuffing pillows under his blankets early in the morning and leaving a CD of snoring sounds on repeat in the papal apartment. By the time his head of security discovered the ruse, Francis had already given an interview to an Italian television station possibly affirming polygamy, saying, “Listen, I don’t want to come down too heavy on that. Just seems kind of harsh—and who am I to judge?”

The Pope then led his security detail on a wild chase through St. Peter’s Square, weaving in and out of the Swiss Guard, losing his pursuers in the cheering throngs. However, he did stop long enough to give a quick, scandalous statement to the Catholic News Syndicate on Unitarians, saying he thought they were “maybe, you know, not too far off.”

Vatican security finally discovered the Bishop of Rome sleeping in his custom upholstered van while a Yes album played on the vehicle’s 8-track player.

Go here to read the rest.  Doubtless Jimmy Akin is even now writing one of his ten things to know and share explaining, yet again, why the Pope did not say what he said.  PopeWatch designates The Bee as the official chronicler of this Pontificate.

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4 Comments

  1. It’s always fun to read about the man who calls himself the Pope. Fortunately few Catholics have the slightest knowledge or interest in what he does or says. Let’s hope it stays that way.

  2. I think that was a bit unfair to Jimmy Akin, but only a bit.

    Anyway, on related, serious note: Tumult in the Church: Is the Confusion Intentional?

    A steady stream of innovations and obfuscations serve two purposes for the modernists in the Vatican. On the one hand, in Cloward-Piven fashion, they destabilize the Church, thus paving the way for even more radical change. On the other hand, each new outrage serves to distract attention from the original outrage detailed in Vigano’s August 2018 letter. Francis has never answered those charges, and if his bob and weave strategy continues to work, he never will.

    Read the whole thing, as the cool kids say.

  3. Jimmy Akin, along with Dave Armstrong and Mark Shea, have overdosed on cognitive dissonance big time. All three of them rationalize any ridiculous, wrong thing Francis does. They’re fast becoming irrelevant to many Catholics who used to respect them for information on the Catholic faith. Like, how can you trust anyone who has a blind devotion to a man who’s acting contrary to the Catholic faith?

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