News that PopeWatch missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:
VATICAN CITY—Pope Francis again eluded his security detail Monday, this time quickly releasing statements which seem to cast doubt on the Catholic Church’s longstanding positions on polygamy and Unitarianism before he could be secured again, sources confirmed.
Francis was reportedly able to trick his handlers into thinking he was still in bed by stuffing pillows under his blankets early in the morning and leaving a CD of snoring sounds on repeat in the papal apartment. By the time his head of security discovered the ruse, Francis had already given an interview to an Italian television station possibly affirming polygamy, saying, “Listen, I don’t want to come down too heavy on that. Just seems kind of harsh—and who am I to judge?”
The Pope then led his security detail on a wild chase through St. Peter’s Square, weaving in and out of the Swiss Guard, losing his pursuers in the cheering throngs. However, he did stop long enough to give a quick, scandalous statement to the Catholic News Syndicate on Unitarians, saying he thought they were “maybe, you know, not too far off.”
Vatican security finally discovered the Bishop of Rome sleeping in his custom upholstered van while a Yes album played on the vehicle’s 8-track player.
Go here to read the rest. Doubtless Jimmy Akin is even now writing one of his ten things to know and share explaining, yet again, why the Pope did not say what he said. PopeWatch designates The Bee as the official chronicler of this Pontificate.