Woman of the Year

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News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:


We are pleased to announce our Person of the Year 2019 is Hillary Clinton (please send help).


Our editorial board wants it to be very clear that we did not make this decision while under any kind of threat or duress. We polled everybody on our staff, and they all agreed that Hillary Clinton is a stunning, brave, and wonderful woman who wouldn’t hurt our families or cause bodily harm to come to us if we did not select her (oh my gosh a windowless van just pulled up in front of my house please send someone over now oh man guys with guns are getting out oh no.)


From her work on human rights issues to her love for the unborn, Hillary Clinton is one of the greatest individuals to ever grace this great country. (please do not break my kneecaps.)


Go here to read the rest.  I am shocked to have to report that the staff of The Babylon Bee have all committed suicide.  They left this joint suicide note behind.

Goodbye cruel world.  We have jointly and severally decided to end our lives by arkancide suicide.   No one has coerced us into doing this, especially not Hillary Clinton. Any signs of struggle were caused by us thrashing about in  our death throes.  If our prior signatures do not match the signatures on this suicide note, it was due to the great feelings of despair we have for telling so many lies, especially about Hillary Clinton, the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being we’ve ever known in our lives.  Vote Hillary 2020.  Farewell, and no investigations of our deaths, for the sake of our children.

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  1. You can tell it was suicide by the way they were all bound, hands tied behind their backs, and by how they all shot themselves in the back of the head.

  2. Sometimes folks like Mata Hari and Hillary Clinton exit the stage in a most infamous way. My guess is that the ammo will be donated.

    A fitting end to a creepy nasty woman.

    Her soul?
    What soul.

  3. Now, now – if even Hitler had the possibility of repentance at the last moment, there might be some hope for Hillary.

  4. c matt.

    emphasis on -might be-.
    ok…I can live with that.

    Hitler might be swaying to the oldies but I doubt it. That decision however is way, way above my pay grade…and if he did get the pardon he probably will exit Purgatory having to close the door behind him.

    “The Clintons.”
    A future comic strip in the making.
    c matt. Ground floor opportunity for a creative conservative to challenge the likes of the Simpson’s. The material is endless and the disclaimers should protect you from defamatory suits. Arkancide is the only true threat.
    How’s your life insurance coverage these days?

    You in?

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