PopeWatch: Jolly Old Former Saint Nicholas

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Vatican City:  It was announced today that on December 25 Pope Francis will hold a solemn de-canonization Mass, during which Saint Nicholas will be stripped of his sainthood.  Monsignor Grinch G. Grinch explained why this was being done:

First, because it is widely rumored that Bishop Nicholas struck Father Arius at the Council of Nicaea.  This pontificate has a strict no violence policy, especially over religious squabbles.

Second, because Bishop Nicholas was completely un-ecumenical, as  demonstrated by his violence against Father Arius.

Third, Bishop Nicholas made the mistake, so it is alleged, of engaging in actions of private charity, instead of urging Emperor Constantine to relieve the poor using the power of the Roman State.

Fourth, Bishop Nicholas has become associated with Santa Claus, an avatar of private charity who is persona non grata  in the current pontificate.

After the de-canonization, the choir will sing an Arian hymn,  Don’t Cry for Me Jesus Christ, to the tune of Don’t Cry for Me Argentina.

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3 Comments

  1. Fully realizing what we have learned from this Pope’s own actions, is this really out of the realm of possibility? (it is however quite humorous)

  2. The Two Pope’s : new movie with “sly and subtle ” Anthony Hopkins as Benedict VXI and “warm and endearing” Jonathan Pryce as Cardinal Bertgoglio. Directed by Fernando Meirelles from screenplay by Anthony McCarten. ” seems to be that there’s plenty of room for everything, including laughs and love”. From a WSJ review of Dec 11, 2019.

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