Thursday, March 28, AD 2024 5:34pm

All the News That Fits

 

 

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:

 

U.S.—The nation’s media outlets announced they were grieving today as an armed citizen stopped a mass shooting.

“We grieve that this tragedy we could have exploited for weeks on end was stopped by a good guy with a gun,” said one teary-eyed MSNBC reporter on the scene. “Our thoughts and prayers are with the shooter.”

“We are absolutely heartbroken and in shock over here,” said one New York Times journalist. “What could have given us weeks and weeks of frothing-at-the-mouth stories about gun control will now have to be suppressed since it does not align with our agenda.”

News outlets also reminded the nation that they reserve the right to immediately bury mass shooting stories that don’t help push their agenda.

Outlets like CNN, MSNBC, and ABC News confirmed that they carefully look over the facts of a given case to see if it lines up with the correct opinions before deciding to push it incessantly for weeks on end.

“While we usually would exploit a tragedy like this to push our gun control agenda, in this case, the facts don’t really help us,” said CNN reporter Bob Costanza, after a recent shooting was shut down by a citizen with a gun. “It’s tragic that it ended that way, because we really could have gotten a lot of mileage out of that bad boy.”

Go here to read the rest.  Hey Bee, stop the straight news reporting!  Get back to satire!

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Philip Nachazel
Philip Nachazel
Tuesday, December 31, AD 2019 7:16am

The “media centers ” are fubar.
When fiction and truth resembles each other as it does in this bit, one wonders what will it take to shake the dog crap off of the American Flag.

Clown News Network is as biased as Tokyo Rose was. Two dastardly propaganda organizations that did / do nothing to advance the free people of these United States.

In one word, Liars.

Two Atomic bombs shut down Rose, forever.

CNN? Enough people boycotting it’s advertisers might help. Nothing like failure to reach an audience to kill a machine. However there is always going to be a Jerry Springer stinking up the place.

CNN……the Jerry Springer of Journalism.

David WS
David WS
Tuesday, December 31, AD 2019 10:19am

I’ve noticed, in surfing “news” channels -that the amount of time spent on advertising has increased dramatically. Maintaining air time sales for lower cost per minute due to lower viewership in trying to meet high pundit salaries…..
Never has such a death spiral been so richly deserved.

Dave Griffey
Dave Griffey
Tuesday, December 31, AD 2019 11:29am

David WS,
Yes, we’ve noticed. And not just the news, but almost anything where advertising is, it is dominating. Talk Radio now seems about 20 to 25 minutes of actual Talk in an hour, the rest being commercials or the hosts promoting products. I wonder when moderns will wake up to the various trends that are easy to see.

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