News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:
NEW YORK—In a tragic occurrence, the footage of Epstein’s suicide attempt was found hanging in its cell Friday in an apparent suicide.
The footage reportedly strung itself up with a strip of cloth, hanged itself from the ceiling, and then shot itself three times in the back of the cassette. Shocked security guards found the footage strung up, saying they would have kept an eye on it but were distracted by large bags of cash handed to them by a mysterious cloaked man.
“You hate to see this kind of thing, but sometimes, footage just doesn’t have the will to live any longer,” said Metropolitan Correctional Center Chief of Security Paul Bugs, after pulling up in his new Bentley. “That’s the way life goes.”
Go here to read the rest. I don’t know Bee, that isn’t much more bizarre than the actual facts of Epstein’s