Sling Control

 

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:

VALLEY OF ELAH—After local homegrown terrorist David slew Goliath with a fully automatic, high-capacity sling, Philistine activists began calling for common-sense bans on the dangerous weapons of mass destruction.

“Nobody needs a sling that holds five rocks just to go hunting or protect their sheep,” said one Philistine woman with pink hair and several face piercings. “This tragedy could have been avoided if only David were forced to use one of the old bolt-action model slings.”

Investigators believe the shepherd boy, radicalized by religious texts, built up an arsenal of approximately five hollow-point, armor-piercing rocks, “a deadly stockpile.”

“Can you imagine if he had opened fire in a crowded market or around the village well?”

Go here to read the rest.  Yeah, and don’t give us the sophistical argument that shepherds need high capacity slings to protect their flocks and themselves from four footed and two footed predators.  When seconds count, the Army of Israel is only days away.  Terrorists like David might also produce domestic disorder, and we all know that Saul is the Lord’s Chosen and his House destined to rule in perpetuity.  Just ask Samuel who anointed him.  This is all just a right wing, white supremacist, conspiracy.  Ban the sling!

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7 Comments

  1. David fought and defeated Goliath in self defense and in defense of his people in the name of God. Had Goliath not killed his people, David would not have had to kill the terrorist.

  2. I learned years ago in art school that David ‘Dah veed” (by Michelangelo) was 18 feet tall, so Goliath never stood a chance of winning in the first place, auto-loading slings notwithstanding.

  3. In Virginia you can’t have an ammo bag that has a capacity of more than 5 stones for your sling other wise you get fined $500 for each stone over the limit and the loss of your sling for 6 months.

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