News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:
We are proud to announce that we are placing all of our support behind Mike Bloomberg for president in the 2020 election. He’s the only candidate that can save our country and look cool while doing it!
Sure, he’ll hand out pallets of cash to anyone that so much as looks in his general direction, but we’re not influenced by that. We respect a man of his stature and frankly, all the other candidates come up short in comparison. Truly we couldn’t care less about him paying off our mortgages and buying us an Olympic-sized pool — that’s just what pals like Ol’ Mike do.
We polled everyone on staff and they all said that they wanted a candidate they could look up to. Someone whose economic policies definitely wouldn’t end record-breaking employment numbers or cause our stocks to go down. And we are sick and tired of being able to defend ourselves and our families in this sick 2nd amendment-loving, free country. So that’s why we need Mike Bloomberg (May he live forever) to come and take all of our scary and evil guns away.
In fact, we used to think that Trump is cool because he had all that money, but whoa, were we wrong. Bloomberg has way more money than that peasant Donald Trump. And with that much money, he must be really smart and right about everything. He couldn’t possibly be that rich and wrong!
Again, we are in no way sponsored by Mike Bloomberg (May all his enemies crumble). But in other news, we are considering changing our name to the Bloomberg Bee. We just love him that much!
Go here to read the rest. Bloomberg has said that he will spend two billion of his 58 billion to defeat Trump. My guess as of today. After a hard fought campaign the Democrats have their worst convention since the Klanbake of 1924, and nominate Sanders. Bloomberg, who is too old to run again and who has an ego the size of a small planet, bolts the convention and runs independent. Eventually he spends more than two billion dollars on this Quixotic Ross Perot imitation. Trump romps to an electoral college landslide, rivaling Reagan’s in 1980. Trump gets re-elected and Mike Bloomberg pays for it. Thanks Mike!