Time of the Nerds


News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:

U.S.—The nation’s nerds woke up in a utopia this morning, one where everyone stays inside, sporting events are being canceled, and all social interaction is forbidden.

“I have been waiting my whole life for this moment,” said Ned Pendleton, 32 — via text message, of course — as he fired up League of Legends on his beefy gaming PC. “They told me to take up a sport and that the kids playing basketball and stuff were gonna be way more successful than us nerds who played Counter-Strike at LAN parties every weekend.”

“They all laughed at me. Well, who’s laughing now?”

To prepare for the onslaught of the deadly disease, nerds are changing absolutely nothing and are expected to rise up to rule the post-Coronavirus society, as they are the ones best adjusted to being sheltered in a basement, garage, or room for many days at a time marathoning Halo, Half-Life, The Legend of Zelda, Red Dead Redemption, or Horizon Zero Dawn. They’re also ready for any post-apocalyptic wasteland, as they’ve played many, many hours of Fallout and are adept at killing bloatflies and collecting bottlecaps.

Go here to read the rest.  The nerds shall inherit the Earth, at least for a wee bit.

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  1. And when the power goes off we can pull out our Avalon Hill games and tabletop D&D sets. This is gonna be great! 😉

  2. InstaCart.

    “Leave the groceries in the box on the porch and text when you’ve left the driveway.”

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