PopeWatch: Appease Gaia

The Vatican announced today that a ceremony to appease Mother Earth will be held in Rome on April 1.  The Pope will be joined by shamen, new age enthusiasts of all sorts, Pachamama worshipers, representatives of Green Peace and PETA, Greta Thunberg, Father James Martin, SJ and Al Gore.  In the ceremony the Pope and the other participants will repent in sackcloth and ashes and pray that insert deity of  your choice will forgive the grave ecological sins of the white, male patriarchal West and call off the Covid-19 pestilence.  Special space is being allocated at Leonardo da Vinci-Fiumicino Airport to accommodate the private jets bringing participants.  Greta Thunberg may be delayed due to the sailing boat carrying her to the event having accidentally rammed and killed a humpback whale while conveying her from Sweden to Denmark.  An auto de fe of an effigy of President Donald Trump will not cap the ceremony as initially reported, due to the carbon footprint of the burning.  All proceeds from the accompanying music video, We Blame America, will be donated to the Chinese government.

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6 Comments

  1. Well, the QAnons believe that the 10 days of (internet/media) darkness will begin on April 1, so none of those shenanigans will be seen by the world.

  2. I wondered if I might in part atone for enormous sin of my male patriarchal ancestors (apparently white to boot) by transitioning to a female and joining PETA and Green Peace. I think the deal might be sealed if Father Martin would accompany me to the Pope’s next announcement from the logia in St. Peter’s Square, making the human audience a total of two.

  3. Don you planning to start writing for the babylonbee?

    (why not? i’ve listened to some of their guys, you can submit headlines and articles)

  4. The real problem here is that I should not have to struggle with believing whether this is true or not.

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