News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:
U.S.—After state governments across the country directed their citizens to shut down their businesses and just kinda hope things worked out, a new order has been issued: everyone is to jump off a bridge immediately.
A government official issued the order to solve our current crisis, and everyone immediately complied.
“Everyone jump off a bridge,” said a representative of the government.
“OK,” said everyone. “If the government says so, it’s probably a good idea. Besides, what can we do? It’s the government. They definitely have the best people working on it.”
Go here to read the rest. The Bee has my sympathy. In times this absurd, satirists have a hard time keeping up.