In a formal ceremony today at the Vatican the Pope excommunicated the Easter Bunny:
For too long our holy season of Easter has become associated with this egg giving imposter:
We do here and now separate him from the precious body and blood of Christ and from the society of all Christians.
We exclude him from our Holy Mother Church and all her sacraments in Heaven or on Earth.
We declare him excommunicate and anathema.
We cast him into the outer darkness.
We judge him damned, with the Devil and his fallen angels and all the reprobate, to eternal fire and everlasting pain.
A six foot chocolate Easter Rabbit was then shattered, with the chocolate melted down to be reshaped into candy to be later distributed to the poor children of Rome.
After the ceremony the Pope was asked if he wasn’t being a tad harsh on a beloved, and harmless, fictional creature. The Pope responded:
“Ah, you gringos, always missing the point. This damned creature arose from the imagination of German Lutherans. It detracts attention from the Risen Christ. It is not harmless but a device of the Fiend, and this excommunication was an attempt to end this evil folly. If we need a symbol for modern man in all his frivolity and his waywardness from Christ, you English speaking gringos have supplied us with the perfect one: the April Fool!”
PopeWatch then woke up, vowing never again to help fellow Knights chow down upon the Easter eggs that will not, sadly, be used in an Easter egg hunt this year. And with that, PopeWatch is on Easter hiatus until April 13.