The Pope attempted to end the occupation by the orthodox Catholics of Saint Peters by meeting with them this week. It did not go well:
Pope Francis: When are you gringos and gringas going to get out of here?
Spokeswoman of the Occupiers: When you are no longer Pope, Holy Father, or whenever Christ returns, whichever comes first.
Pope Francis: We have a saying in Argentina that the fox can outwait the cow.
Spokeswoman of the Occupiers: The last fortune cookie I ate said that I would win the lottery. I believe that has as much relevance, none, as what you just said.
Pope Francis: If you people are traditionalists where is your obedience?
Spokeswoman of the Occupiers: Awaiting a Catholic Pope Holiness with eager anticipation.
Pope Francis: Basta! This is a waste of time.
Spokeswoman of the Occupiers: On that we agree Holiness.
The Pope then attempted a food embargo. That was a failure, single members of the Swiss Guard smuggling food to their new found girlfriends among the single traditionalists, their novenas to Saint Anne having proven quite effective.
Father James Martin once again called for the use of napalm.
Geraldo Rivera of Fox News was planning a special from Saint Peter’s but cancelled once he learned their was no vault of Saint Peter to be opened on live television.
Blogger Mark Shea has offered his services as a mediator between, his words, the bestest Pope ever and the Maga Goons.
Flash: Latest development: Father Z has slipped into Saint Peters with volunteers carrying elaborately prepared meals, enough good food to sustain the occupiers for a week.
Cardinal Burke is reportedly thinking seriously about saying something about all this.
That about sums it up. All we need is Ann Barnhardt as a color commentator.
Maybe if the pope had built even a small wall they couldn’t have gotten in in the first place? Now that they’re in, maybe if his friendly cardinals would take an ecumenical knee to their pachamama idol the problem would just go away?