Donald R. McClarey

Hand Washing Doesn’t Always Work

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: ISRAEL—Bible scholars have agreed that Pontius Pilate didn’t wash his hands long enough or thoroughly enough to avoid taking any of the responsibility for the crucifixion of Jesus. While many

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Donald R. McClarey

Bats in the Belfry

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   GOTHAM—Gotham City has been dealing with its own epidemic of coronavirus. Many wanted to pin the outbreak on the Riddler, thinking “corona” was some kind of code to be

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Donald R. McClarey

PopeWatch: Appease Gaia

The Vatican announced today that a ceremony to appease Mother Earth will be held in Rome on April 1.  The Pope will be joined by shamen, new age enthusiasts of all sorts, Pachamama worshipers, representatives of Green Peace and PETA,

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Donald R. McClarey

Well Boys, Bats Are Back off the Menu

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   ATLANTA, GA—In an effort to help curb the spread of Coronavirus, Chick-fil-a has announced that it will temporarily be changing its advertising slogan from “Eat Mor Chikin” to “Eat Fewer

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Donald R. McClarey

Quarantine Tips

And we have all our electronic gizmos to keep us amused and we do not have to worry about German bombers, or a loved one dying in the War!  Of course even a humorous comparison of the present situation to

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Donald R. McClarey

Never Let a Crisis Go to Waste

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democratic lawmakers are blocking the stimulus bill proposed in Congress, slamming their Republican colleagues for refusing to include reparations for transgender Native Americans affected by climate change. “If we

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Donald R. McClarey

PopeWatch: Jesuit Masses

It was announced today at the Vatican that the Pope understands that in many parts of the globe Catholics are deprived of the Mass.  To help solve this problem the Vatican will be streaming Masses said by Jesuits.  Vatican spokesperson

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Donald R. McClarey

Hollywood to the Rescue

  This demonstration of completely clueless Hollywood virtue signaling is getting ferocious comments online.  Go here to read some of them.  Dealing with something serious boys and girls.  When we want your input—well, we will probably never want your input

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Donald R. McClarey

Of Tin Pot Dictators and Two Trillion Dollars

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—According to sources, Trump is just kicking himself after promising $1000 to every American. According to a new study, 50% of conservatives would give up freedom and fiscal responsibility for much

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Donald R. McClarey

Useful Idiots?

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: BEIJING—According to sources with the Communist Party of China, party members are deeply humbled and incredibly grateful to the American media for running defense for them without even charging for

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Donald R. McClarey

Toilet Users of the World Unite!

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   BURLINGTON, VT—In a video message recorded from one of his many, many houses, Bernie Sanders has called on the workers of the world to unite and seize the means of

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Donald R. McClarey

Power to the Incompetents!

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: I have had it up to here [I am gesturing toward my scarf] with the federal government’s slow, inept response to the coronavirus outbreak. The clear solution to this

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Donald R. McClarey

The Good News

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WORLD—The latest data on the spread of the coronavirus has come in, and the results are clear: 100% of the earth is still under God’s dominion. “We’ve analyzed the

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Donald R. McClarey

Time of the Nerds

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—The nation’s nerds woke up in a utopia this morning, one where everyone stays inside, sporting events are being canceled, and all social interaction is forbidden. All types of nerds,

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Donald R. McClarey

PopeWatch: The Sound of Silence

The Pope announced today that because of the Wuhan Flu Catholics are absolved from paying any attention to anything he says for the foreseeable future.  Papal spokesman, Father Aeger, on the policy: His Holiness has been having intermittent fevers and

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Donald R. McClarey

A Crazy Candidate for Crazy Times

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   COLUMBUS, OH—In a campaign speech delivered via remote video feed, presidential candidate Joe Biden reassured everyone that the coronavirus outbreak “isn’t so bad” and that “the Black Plague” was much

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Donald R. McClarey

PC and the China Flu

  The Babylon Bee explains it all for us: With the rise of the novel coronavirus, there has been an uptick in people saying racist things like suggesting the virus came from the region it did in fact come from.

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Donald R. McClarey

Cancel Culture

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—In real news that totally actually happened, President Trump has announced that in the interest of public safety, the 2020 presidential election has been canceled. “It’s just too risky,” President

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Donald R. McClarey

Mr. Howell Approves

From the President of Yale: We are asking Yale College students to remain at home after spring recess. For undergraduates who are on campus now, please make every effort to return home as soon as possible, and no later than

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Donald R. McClarey

Deathwish

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: CHAPPAQUA, NY—In a recent interview from her wine cellar this week, Hillary Clinton revealed some of her favorite methods for dealing with stress.  “Being the president is an extremely stressful

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Donald R. McClarey

We Could Do Worse

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: ACME LABS—Two genetically enhanced laboratory mice, Pinky and the Brain, announced Friday their 2020 presidential run. The mice have been engineered to think and speak, though the experimentation seems to

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Donald R. McClarey

A Shame to Her Tribe

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: CHEROKEE NATION—Having dropped out of the presidential race, Elizabeth Warren rode in solitude back to her reservation, having failed to take the land back from the pale faces. “I am

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Donald R. McClarey

Fake News

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: LIMA, OH—Dale Miller, a 57-year-old uncle of someone, made an embarrassing mistake on Facebook yesterday. According to sources, Dale shared a CNN article under the mistaken impression that CNN is

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Donald R. McClarey

Say It Ain’t So Bernie!

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: SAINT PAUL, MN—This year’s Democratic primary campaign has been filled with gaffes by the candidates, but Monday may have brought the worst one of all, as Democratic socialist Bernie Sanders tried

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Donald R. McClarey

The Hope of the Democrat Party

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: HOUSTON, TX—Fresh off his afternoon nap, presidential candidate Joe Biden gave a fiery, high-energy speech in Houston today, claiming to be the only candidate who could beat incumbent Ronald Reagan.

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