Donald R. McClarey

Potter Inferno

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WORLD—For a long time, it seemed as though Christians only liked two things: Jesus and burning books. From books of magic in the early church (because of the witchcraft) to

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Donald R. McClarey

The Farce is With Them

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   U.S.—An echo was heard across the land this morning from sea to shining sea as progressives woke up after celebrating Impeachment Day and learned that Trump is still the

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Donald R. McClarey

Squirrel

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to sources in Congress, Mitch McConnell briefly distracted Democrats this morning while he signaled for hundreds of conservative judges to sneak by. “Hey, look over there — is

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Donald R. McClarey

Lessons

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: LONDON—British progressives were already down from their huge losses in Thursday’s election, as they lost pretty much every contest to the Conservatives, from Dublingtonampton and Worcestershiresauce to Hogwarts and the Shire.

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Donald R. McClarey

You Don’t Say

  [3] Behold the inheritance of the Lord are children: the reward, the fruit of the womb. [4] As arrows in the hand of the mighty, so the children of them that have been shaken. [5] Blessed is the man

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Donald R. McClarey

Christmas Time for the Jews

As Yogi Berra said when advised that the mayor of Dublin was a Jew:  “Only in America!”.  Bonus:  without using the Internet, name some of the Jewish composers who have written classic Christmas Carols.  I will give you Irving Berlin

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Donald R. McClarey

Woman of the Year

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   We are pleased to announce our Person of the Year 2019 is Hillary Clinton (please send help).   Our editorial board wants it to be very clear that we did

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Donald R. McClarey

Out Heroding Herod

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   NEW YORK, NY—At a special ceremony Thursday, Planned Parenthood posthumously awarded Herod the Great with its highest honor, the organization’s coveted PPFA Margaret Sanger Award. Planned Parenthood gives the

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Donald R. McClarey

Kenosis

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—Thanks to His renunciation of His exalted divine status and taking on human flesh 2,000 years ago, the Lord Jesus was criticized in an op-ed on Salon.com for his “insensitive” appropriation

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Donald R. McClarey

Obama? Never Mind!

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: CLAREMONT, CA—A nativity scene has been gaining much publicity in the media for its depiction of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph getting detained in cages at the border. But media

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Donald R. McClarey

Catholic When Convenient

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—Pelosi lashed out at a reporter who asked her if she hated President Trump today, invoking her Catholic religion as a basis for her obvious total lack of

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Donald R. McClarey

Not Funny Professor

Melania is among the most opaque figures in our public life. One thing I’d bet the farm on, though, is that she’s a tigress for Barron. Prof. Karlan better give the First Lady (and her fingernails) a wide berth. Art

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Donald R. McClarey

The Cat’s Meow

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—Many have criticized Joe Biden’s new campaign slogan, “No Malarkey,” for being out of touch and old-fashioned. But new polls show that the slogan is actually a huge hit among

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Donald R. McClarey

An Aquilonian Thanksgiving

What would Thanksgiving be without Conan the Barbarian? “By Mitra, this bird is as plump as a Zingaran concubine,” quoth Conan. Conan slid his broadsword free of its shagreen wrapped hilt and skewered the turkey. He raised his sword one-handed,

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Donald R. McClarey

Arkancide Most Fowl

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—A turkey recently pardoned by President Trump was found dead after claiming to have dirt on the Clintons, sources at the FBI confirmed today. The official cause of death

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Donald R. McClarey

Thanks for Nothing!

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—In honor of Thanksgiving week, the nation’s progressives have begun to give thanks that they have so much to be angry and offended about this year. “Thank you, unspecified deity who

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Donald R. McClarey

Honk!

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump delighted a crowd gathered on the White House lawn as he participated in a beloved annual tradition: the execution of an extremely irritating goose. The president went

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Donald R. McClarey

“As God as my Witness, I Thought Turkeys Could Fly!”

Well actually some Turkeys can.  Wild Turkeys can fly, albeit clumsily and not more than about 100 yards at a time.  Domestic Turkeys, bred for the table, cannot fly, largely due to their overdeveloped chests, home to all that prized

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Donald R. McClarey

Are Golden Calves Tasty?

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   ATLANTA, GA—Chick-fil-A corporate headquarters announced Friday that the restaurant will be getting a new mascot in place of the traditional Chick-fil-A cow: a golden calf. Restaurant patrons will be asked

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Donald R. McClarey

PopeWatch: Scrooge McDuck

  Pope Francis today announced that he was placing Vatican finances under the sole control of Scrooge McDuck.  The Pope admitted that it might seem odd to enlist the services of an elderly, fictional, Presbyterian Duck, but he defended the

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Donald R. McClarey

Perspective

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   CHINA—Christians in China have joined together in lifting up their American brothers and sisters in prayer after learning Chick-fil-A has shifted around its charitable giving, possibly cutting out all

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Donald R. McClarey

Dead Politician Walking

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: LAS VEGAS, NV—Joe Biden has come under scrutiny after suggesting that Pong might be a gateway drug to more dangerous video games like Asteroids, Galaga, Temptest, and Battlezone. Biden warned that

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Donald R. McClarey

Stalin is Merely A Right-Wing Stooge!

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   MOSCOW—Brutal totalitarian dictator Joseph Stalin has warned Democrats that they may be going “too far left.” “The Dems are kinda scaring me with all this far-left stuff,” Stalin

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Donald R. McClarey

Chick-fil-Gay

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—Chick-fil-A has said it will stop making donations to Christian groups that oppose the LGBTQ movement. The move is said to be a “good trade” as Chick-fil-A has sacrificed its Christian

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